* tiny but powerful *

Yes, believe it or not, I am actually coming up for air in the blog world. I will give you a moment to get over the shock.

...

Okay, ready now?

Hi, yes, I'm alive. I had intended to post something earlier during winter break, but blogging is pretty low on my priority list these days, unfortunately. That's not to mention the lack-of-posting inertia, since I always feel like I have to somehow make up for the period of silence since I last wrote. But since the New Year's Eve pressure is on, I signed into Blogger with the hopes of forcing myself to post something before 2006 ends in 40 minutes. (This does mean, however, that this entry will in no way be comprehensive. I figure you can all deal with that.) Alright...ready, set, go!

Needless to say, my first year teaching high school has been seriously kicking my butt. I honestly don't think I've worked this hard ever in my life. I mean, yes, I was overcommitted in high school and college with a crazy class load and various extracurriculars, so I was often comparably busy and tired - but I don't think I've ever spent so much time and energy only on things considered work. I'm pretty much at school or doing school-related things any time I'm not driving, eating, or sleeping...and I definitely don't sleep enough (or eat enough, sometimes). I've had some pretty bizarre sleep schedules, such as not being able to stay awake after dinner and sleeping from 7-10, dragging myself up to do some more work until 1 or so and then passing out again, only to finally force myself up at 3 or 4 in the morning to finish (or try to finish) prepping things I need ready *for that day* and then going straight to school. This kind of schedule is not uncommon for me, although sometimes I manage to get my sleep in a continuous block.

I've been keeping a running log on my AIM profile of my Friday night sleep records this semester (i.e., how long Tina crashes after prolonged sleep deprivation each week), which I will now share with you because I'm sure you're extremely interested in such exciting Tina trivia:

08/25 - 12 hours
09/01 - 14 hours
09/08 - 10.5 hours
09/15 - doesn't count because we were at Woodleaf...I definitely didn't get enough sleep with a cabin of 23 chatty girls =P
09/22 - 10 hours
09/29 - 14 hours
10/06 - 11 hours
10/13 - 12.5 hours
10/20 - 9 hours (I had to be up for babysitting the next morning)
10/27 - 9 hours (we were on the Grace/RUF retreat, but I was still in bed by 10pm)
11/03 - 10 hours
11/09 - 11.5 hours (no school on 11/10!)
11/17 - 13 hours
11/21 - 10.5 hours (2-day week for Thanksgiving!)
12/01 - 6 hours...oof (Testimony Alumni Show weekend)
12/08 - 12 hours
12/15 - 12 hours

I've heard that November is the toughest month of the year for teachers (especially the first year), but I think I actually hit my emotional low during October. I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep up the sleep-deprived, non-stop work schedule (it turns out, of course, that it is sustainable, though it never feels like it is); December seemed like a LONG ways off; I was often just barely prepared for the next day (or even the next period); and I was constantly on the verge of tears - like if I slowed down enough, I would just start crying, so I had to keep going and not think about how incompetent I felt. I think I ended up in Marilyn's office crying in the middle of the school day at least three times that month (she's the mentor teacher in charge of the first-years, and I think of her as my teacher mom). November and December weren't really easier in terms of workload, but I didn't *feel* as overwhelmed, so overall they were easier to get through. Days off were a mixed blessing, because while it was wonderful to have longer weekends (especially for Thanksgiving!), I was super stressed about covering enough curriculum before winter break - and it did not help that the kids are SO checked out before any vacation.

But I made it to winter break! I actually didn't even LOOK at my work until after Christmas. And it's been so hard to get myself to concentrate on work again this week that Brian has had to yell at me to stay on task. My attention span has been pretty pathetic. This break has flown by way too quickly!

I guess it's once more into the breach. No promises on when I'll be able to write next, but I might try to squeeze in one more before school starts again on Wednesday. Actually, since I'll be at K's for a sleepover tomorrow night, it's entirely possible she won't let me sleep until I blog with her. ;)