* tiny but powerful *

Only by God's grace did I make it through this first week... the kids have been great (so far), but there is just SO MUCH work to do. Basically my schedule has settled into getting up around 6:00, getting to school around 7:15, leaving school between 4:00 and 5:00, taking a short break and eating dinner, and then grading/prepping until I can't stay awake any longer. Most days that was roughly midnight, except Thursday when I had a headache and went to bed at 9:00 so I could wake up at 5:00 to finish prepping. I slept for 12 hours last night and I'm still tired! This is pretty much what I expected, but it's still *hard*.

I think one of the hardest things for me is fighting my perfectionist tendencies. This week I was barely a day ahead in planning for class (I have the scope & sequence planned for the quarter, but not the specifics for each lesson), and it drives me nuts not being able to be further ahead than that. Plus it's hard for me to stop working on one particular thing once it's "good enough", even though I really have to stop simply because there's not enough time for me to make everything as good as I want it. Add this to my indecisiveness ("hmmmm...is this really the best way? Would this be better or is this other way better??"), and I just completely freak out at the sheer volume of things I have to get done, which is paralyzing and, of course, not at all productive.

All that said, I did survive my first week. :-P Nothing went horribly, so overall I guess things went relatively well. I made plenty of mistakes, though (including embarrassing arithmetic mistakes in front of my Advanced Math class), and there's a lot of things I could do better next time, so now I feel pressure to redeem myself. :-P This whole week I was just trying to make it to Friday, and now that it's the weekend everything looming ahead seems even more daunting. At least I caught up on some sleep!

As always, I'd appreciate your prayers. This week my prayer requests would be for rest, protection against sickness, clarity of mind, and freedom from perfectionism. I'm really learning again what it means to trust that God is in control. I cannot even begin to express what a blessing it is to work with a staff that encourages me daily in remembering that it's all ultimately God's work, not ours! We're just in charge of being willing to serve. But boy, it's one thing to know that and another thing to really *rest* in that.

So...back to work! Soli Deo Gloria. :)

Please pray that God would give me peace...

"Do not be afraid, for I am with you." - Isaiah 43:5

"I'm forgiven, because You were forsaken..."

Monday morning: opening worship at the TKA Staff Retreat. I was already emotionally sensitive to the music because it's been awhile since I've had that style of worship. I guess I miss it.

"I'm accepted, You were condemned..."

I couldn't sing...I closed my eyes. But the tears came. It was like a slideshow of my past 6 years with God, scenes zooming by and then coming back, one by one.

"I'm alive and well, Your spirit lives within me..."

My first memory of this song: Rinc weekly worship sessions in Jonathan and Eric's room, freshman year. I'm pretty sure that's where I learned it. A lot of those songs were new to me at the time. That was...wow, a long time ago. God has brought me a long way since then. But what a vivid memory - especially with Erin Spokes standing two people away from me that morning. Erin - who lived next door to me freshman year and first invited to me those worship sessions. Those worship sessions - which helped me build relationships with Christ-followers in my dorm, with Eric and Bryan, all of whom helped me start to understand what "being Christian" was really all about.

"Because You died and rose again..."

Second memory: Crusade weekly meetings, junior and senior years. I was, once again, in a place where Jonathan was leading worship. The repertoire was often familiar - many songs I had learned freshman year. But the songs had a different dimension to them now. Tina, a confused freshman unsure of her faith, sang the song differently than Tina, halfway through college - through the fire of sophomore year, through Testimony, through directing, through burning out, through changing my major. The song was the same, but different. I was the same, but different.

"Amazing love, how can it be..."

Third memory: Attempting, quite sadly, to learn the guitar during my senior and fifth years. This song was one of, like, three that I could actually play through consistently without stopping. So when I got around to getting the guitar out of its case, this song appeared often from my fingertips, the words tagging along softly because the only key I could play it in felt a little high for my alto voice. But the song was comfortable. I felt comfortable with it.

"That You my King should die for me..."

Monnday morning: it had been awhile. But the song was still comfortable. The slideshow reminded me of how He has connected the dots over the years - and there was one more dot this time. This one's a big dot. I guess many of them are big, but I can be short-sighted.

"Amazing love, I know it's true..."

King's has been such an amazing blessing so far, and I'm sure I don't even know the half of it yet. Imagination has never been my strong suit. There's been so much floating around in my head that I haven't debriefed about it much with anyone, but mostly I'm just in awe. Admist all the anxiety and the stress and the excitement, I'm just...in awe. Can this really be? God is giving me this??

"And it's my joy to honor You..."

Monday morning: it was overwhelming. It was overwhelmingly clear that God is overwhelmingly good. All the dots came rushing back, pulling memories along with them, and the dots led right to where I was standing. In some ways I am scared out of my mind -- full-time teaching and full-time ministry, all in one?? -- but with God whom shall I fear?

"In all I do, I honor You."

I had put that line at the end of my baptism pledge, end of freshman year (June 10, 2001). Six years' worth of God's dots...

It struck me, as Erin stood two people away from me on Monday morning, that she had seen a piece of God's work in my life freshman year, and she is a part of another piece that's unfolding now. I reflected on the pieces in between. The imagery of pieces (from my testimony at Christmas Show 2003) came back again - but God gently reminded me of what He had taught me before (setting a good example - how many times will I have to do that in this career?). Who has been there for every single piece? Who knows the pieces that even I don't know or remember, as well as the pieces that are yet to come? There is only one.

"In all I do...let me honor You."

I wasn't able to sing a single word. But it was the most meaningful worship I'd had in a long time.

I was going to introduce my new friend in a post about Disneyland, but that doesn't look like it's going to happen anytime soon, so I'm going to do this part first. Can you guess who it is from this sneak preview?

I bet you weren't expecting THAT!!! HEEHEE. He's been warmly welcomed by the rest of my fuzzy menagerie. Brian has a similar new friend, except his is orange and has stripes (though not white stripes, sorry Dory)...

"How are you feeling about school?" is not a good question to ask me right now. I'm feeling a whole lot of things all at once -- excited, scared, tired, nervous, thankful, amazed, overwhelmed, encouraged, frustrated, paralyzed, inspired, hopeful, unprepared, irritable, and *completely* freaked out.

And in it all, I know God will provide. He will give me what I need for today, and tomorrow He will give me what I need for tomorrow. But boy am I not feeling it right now.

So that's how I'm doing. One week and counting...

Training's been great so far. :) I really like all the other new teachers and the staff members who are training us. It's so funny because one of the teachers in training with me is a girl who was in my freshman WCT class! (That's what the Writing requirement was called before it became PWR, for those of you even younger than I. Yes, Kari, I went back and changed that just for you. ;) ) Everything has been very exciting, even if it is, as Marilyn put it, "like drinking from a fire hose."

I also spent a couple hours later in the afternoon scrubbing down my classroom with Brian's help. It was FILTHY in there...yechchch. We used up almost an entire roll of paper towels and probably half a bottle each of Mr. Clean and 409. I wiped down almost every flat surface I could find (desks, countertops, tables, bookshelves) - all except for the lab benches, because that's where all the chemistry books are currently being stored (and getting patched up with packing tape). There's just no way I was going to feel comfortable in that classroom if it was that dirty...cobwebs in every corner and a layer of dust covering almost everything. Ickkk.

The grossest thing that I am going to have to figure out how to deal with is... are you ready for this?... the school has a ROACH problem!!! Can I say, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww??? Becky, the other chemistry teacher, warned me that sometimes they'll just come out from nowhere and scurry across the floor. She, apparently of a similar disposition, said that she employed the scream-loudly-and-run-across-the-room approach, which is, of course, not ideal for classroom learning. Unfortunately I don't think there's any way I'm going to get over that exact same response any time soon. Becky recommended her solution of picking one of the boys in the class to be the designated "Hero" who can Save the Day when an intruder shows up. *shudder* So yes, one of our cleaning tasks today was sweeping dead roaches out the back door into the dirt. Remind me NEVER to wear open-toed shoes to school. *shudder again*

On a happier note, I found out my schedule assignment for the year! I mostly have my chemistry classes in one block and my math classes either on both ends or also in one block, depending on the day. If you want to see the confusingness that is our daily rotating schedule, take a look at last year's schedule. Some things are staying the same and some are being changed, but it's at least as equally confusing. It's going to take me all year just to learn the bell schedule...

By the way, anyone have suggestions on how I should decorate my classroom? You could even come visit and/or help me put things up if you're free in the afternoons this week or anytime Tues-Thurs of next week. Let me know - I'd love to hear your ideas!

...starts today! I'm nervous but really excited. Two weeks and counting until I start teaching *high school*. That's pretty crazy! I feel like a little kid again, getting my bookbag together for the first day of school (well, training) and not knowing what to expect. Everyone's been super nice, though, so I'm not scared. Here we go!

I haven't forgotten about writing about the rest of my LA trip. Posts are in progress! I'm going to try to do them in chronological order.

In the meantime, here's something random. On the way to Vienna Teng's concert in Hollywood, we saw this in the street:

I've never seen one like that before - have you?? I couldn't get my camera out fast enough the first time, so we drove back to it after the concert just to take a picture.

Well, even though U-turns are not allowed, I'm going to U-turn back to last week... don't follow the arrow though, the posts will be above this one. ;) Aha! That's what it means!

The mechanic was able to fix my car! The culprit was, indeed, the AC drainage tube. It's supposed to run down behind the glove compartment and out through the bottom of the car, but somehow the tube had gotten pulled up through the hole where it's supposed to sit and was literally dumping all of its water into the cabin of the car, not just leaking it out. They were able to locate it, pull it back out, and put some waterproof adhesive on it so it doesn't slip inside the car again. Bud from Precision Tune Auto Care in Palo Alto (on the corner of El Camino and Arastradero) really seems to know his stuff. I had a great experience with his shop both this time and when I took my Volvo in for its 90K tune-up. He's very friendly, unintimidating, knowledgeable, and trustworthy - my brother says it's really key to find a mechanic you can trust not to swindle you out of your money. A big plus for me is that this place is close enough for me to walk to/from my apartment when my car is being serviced. I'd highly recommend Precision Tune Auto Care if you ever need your car fixed!

Now my biggest worry is drying out the inside of my car. Bud said that mold is an imminent danger and that I may not be able to get rid of the moisture before bacteria starts infesting. Obviously that's a problem because it'll start to smell and contaminate the air. So Bud recommended lots of open air and Lysol. Brian and I squeezed out as much of the saturated water as we could and we've propped up both the back and the front pieces of floor foam, hoping airflow through the open windows will help clear it out. Tomorrow I'm going to see if I can get my car near an electrical outlet so I can go at it with a hair-dryer. Wish me luck!

So something in my car is leaking water...A LOT of water. Except the weird thing is that it's leaking INTO the car. We noticed during the drive down to LA that the floormat in front of my right backseat was wet with what seemed like water, and by the time we arrived it was REALLY soaked through - as in, there was literally an inch or two of standing water on top of the carpet! We were completely baffled - none of us have ever seen anything like it. It was definitely water, though, and not some toxic chemical ("or else I'd be dead now," says Brian - he spent the whole week using rags to soak up and wring out the accumulating puddle).

Today my brother came out to take a look at the car, and *he's* completely baffled too. Our best guess is that something is clogging up the drainage system from the AC condenser, but we don't know how that system is structured nor how all that water could be getting from under the hood all the way to *behind* the passenger seat inside the car (while skipping the floormat in *front* of the passenger seat, which so far is still dry). Tim dismantled the front seat and took it out, and when we peeled back the upholstery and foam there was SO MUCH WATER underneath. I can't even imagine what it would have looked like if Brian hadn't been emptying it out all week, and that's just the water that made it through several inches of foam AND the carpet. You can't see the water level too well in this picture, but if you click on it it'll give you an idea just how much water there was pooling up down there (this was taken after several rounds of mopping up some of the puddle).

Luckily, Tim found a rubber gasket near the back of all the foam that allowed us to drain most of the water that was currently at the bottom of the car. (My brother giggled as he unplugged and replugged the drainage hole because it looked like the car was peeing. Yes, folks, he is 20 years old. :-P) Hopefully that'll keep the foam a little more dry until we can find the source of all that water.

We brought my car to a local mechanic, where we didn't leave it behind because the manager whom my brother wanted to speak to wasn't in. Then we tried bringing it to the Toyota dealer in Sunnyvale, where they seemed baffled themselves and said we'd have to leave it for a diagnostic, which my brother didn't want to do either. So he's going to call the first mechanic tomorrow morning and explain the problem to the manager (preemptively helping his car-illiterate sister) before I bring it in.

How weird is that?? Maybe my car should be living at 435 Sheridan... :-P