* tiny but powerful *

I had a very odd experience this morning. My 10:00am class was cancelled, so I had the hour free to run various errands. As I was leaving the music building, I saw four people standing around talking in that semi-circular courtyard area. I looked at them, looked away, and did a double-take. I knew ALL FOUR people. Not only that, but they were exactly the four TA's I've had for the only four music classes I've taken so far at Stanford (all in the past two quarters). Yep, my TA's for Music 23, Music 40, Music 41, and Music 121 -- all standing around chatting. I guess it's a small department and they all know each other, but still. That was very strange.

Spring Quarter 2004
- Music 42 (Music History Since 1830, 4 units) -- MF 10:00-11:30am, W 10:00-11:00am
- Music 122B (Harmonic Materials of the 19th Century, 4 units) -- MWF 1:15-2:05pm
- Music 174A (Violin: Individual Instruction, 3 units) -- TBD
- ChemE 110 (Equilibrium Thermodynamics, finishing Incomplete) -- TTh 8:35-9:50am
- ChemE 120B (Energy and Mass Transport, 4 units) -- TTh 10:30-11:50am, occasional F 8:30-9:50am (to makeup for prof's travel conflicts)
- Dance 156 (Social Dances of North America III, 2 units) -- TTh 4:15-5:05pm (taking it as a lead)

I just got back from seeing The Passion with my mom and my brother. Thus I am sort of in a daze, and nowhere near being able to fall asleep. So I guess I'll just ramble here for a little while. Not about the movie, though -- I've got a lot to process through before I have anything to say that I'd be comfortable presenting to more than one person at once.

So. How about a general update about Spring Break? Yes, that sounds like a good idea. I'm pleased to report that I very nearly accomplished the 15 things I'd had planned for the week. I sadly didn't get to #13 (Becky went away to San Diego for 6 days), and only marginally fulfilled #5. But other than that, yay! I also: went hustle dancing; had lunch with Wendy; made plans to see David Hsu next week; visited my old high school (more on this later); reorganized all the music files on my computer; had lunch with Jenny; and avoided washing my car (to my brother's chagrin). Successful week, I'd say.

Tomorrow (well, technically today) is officially the end of my spring break, since I'll be leaving home in the morning. I'm driving down to The River for Kids Community and 2nd service, then meeting Brian for lunch at Cupertino Village and attending the "Stepping Out" dance concert at the Sunnyvale Community Center (which, incidentally, is where The River used to meet before we moved to San Jose), and then driving directly back to Stanford. I don't want to start classes again, but at least I had a sufficiently relaxing week off. It's weird to think that at this time last year, I was in Europe (visiting Theo in Germany, to be exact). It's also weird to think that this will be my first stretch of three school quarters in a row since sophomore year. Mmm, that was a bad year. I hope I can handle it this time around?

Viennese Ball was exactly a month ago today. No, I did not plan that, but it makes a convenient way to begin the story...

February 27, 2004 started out as quite a harried day (who would expect anything less?). I had papers due for both of my music classes that morning, so I had not gotten very much sleep at all the night before. Bad bad Tina (lack of sleep has unpleasant effects on one's sense of balance during, for example, waltz spins), but I had no choice. I'd even left Heuriger Abend early so I could get back to my work. Oh yes, let's back up slightly and touch on that last Austria Week event. As alluded to in my blog post about Bon Bon Ball back in January, I did in fact end up teaching the polka lesson with Mike Lin. Much to my surprise, it was not, in fact, nearly as difficult as the waltz lesson I taught at BBB. Both events were held in the Toyon Lounge, but the polka lesson was SO MUCH LESS CROWDED. Seriously. And Brian had even found a wireless mic for me to use, which made a world of a difference because I didn't have to yell continuously for the whole hour. It was the first time I'd ever really taught polka from scratch (not even to individual couples), so I was a little nervous about constructing the lesson in a way that would make sense to the people who had never done polka before, but it seemed to go pretty smoothly. Mike and I didn't get through everything we had wanted to equip them with for Viennese Ball, but we got through the basic polka step, the open promenade step, some general partnering tips, and some very important survival techniques for the impending case of Dangerously Crowded Dance Floor. So I think it went alright.

Back to the actual day of Viennese. So I went to both of my classes that morning, from 9-10:30 and 11-11:50. That meant I was already a little tired by the time I scrambled back to my dorm room to start getting myself ready for the Ball. My hair appointment was scheduled for 12:30, but I arrived late because the flower place didn't have my flowers ready when I got there (grrr), and since I was late, I had to wait for the next available stylist, which wasn't until nearly 1:00. And then when I was finally getting my hair done, the lady decided to change what she was doing 10 minutes into it! By this point I was very frazzled, but I didn't object because I was glad she realized her original plan wouldn't stay up given the thickness of my hair. All told, I didn't get back to Kimball until almost 2:00, which was when Justin and I had been planning on leaving (we were supposed to be at the hotel for rehearsal by 2:45). I was very behind schedule indeed, and I hate being late. I didn't have time to make David's boutonniere yet, but I wanted to go through with my plans to surprise him with a simple arrangement of flowers (two white roses and a white lily) on his desk. (I had thought he was at his usual Friday afternoon class, but he was actually out with his parents who were in town for Parents Weekend.) Luckily, his dorm is right across the street, and I also didn't have to be dressed in my actual dress before leaving, and I'd had the foresight to pack my dance bag the night before. So as soon as I had successfully delivered the flowers, Justin and I were off.

Remarkably, even with all my delays, we arrived only about 15 minutes late. Our subsequent rehearsal with Opening Committee on the actual performance floor (it was ready on time!) was somewhat stressful, but I had anticipated that based on last year's experience. Of course, this year it was nowhere near as stressful as last year (for multiple reasons), but some non-preparation-related factors remain constant: the extreme slippery-ness of the floor, the lack of nice visible lines by which to gauge spacing, the unaccustomed boundaries for the space we needed to cover... it was disconcerting to see all that take its toll on the wellbeing of our choreographies. But we made the necessary adjustments and admonishing reminders, and were confident enough in our preparedness to break for dinner a little earlier than the original 5:00 ending time.

I managed to get changed into my dress (sans petticoat) and make David's boutonniere before meeting up with everyone else in our dinner group. This year it worked out such that those of us on Opening (namely, me and Justin) were able to have dinner with our non-Opening dates, which was nice. It was possible only because the group was willing to accomodate our schedule -- they met us at the hotel super-early so we could have dinner upstairs in the hotel restaurant. We had a very fun group of people, which included: me and David, my mom and my brother, David's parents, David and Mindi Jones, Adam and Jenn, Justin and Jenny, and Eric (who would have had Erin with him, except that she needed to take care of some things during dinnertime). My mom and brother were there because they were Honored Guests for the Ball; David's parents joined us because they were in town for Parents Weekend (and wanted to get pictures, but otherwise couldn't since I had to be at the hotel so early); and David and Mindi came because Mindi wanted to do my makeup (she was very insistent about it) and also because they wanted to watch our final dress rehearsal run-through, which was scheduled for 7:00pm. I'm really glad they got to see me and Eric and Erin dance, after hearing us talk about Opening so much.

And then, the performance. Oh, what a performance! :) As we lined up in the back corridor, waiting for the all-too-familiar Radetsky March to begin, it was hard to describe how I was feeling. I was definitely nervous -- but it wasn't so much being nervous personally, since I'd performed on Opening before and I knew what to expect once we were "on stage" (so to speak); and it also wasn't so much being nervous about the group, since I was confident that we'd practiced enough and were ready to perform our best. But it was still nervousness, or more accurately, nervous excitement. Anyway, I knew that once we started filing out that door, we were going to do what were there to do, and we were going to do it well. It was not unlike how I've felt about the past two Christmas Shows with Testimony -- the blessed feeling of assurance that we have something worthwhile to present to the audience. And it was really special to me to have my mom and brother there as Honored Guests for the real thing.

Oh, it went so well! Really!! I was so pleased with how it went. :) :) :) We got so many comments afterward about how amazing Opening was, both from people who were in the audience and from people who danced in the group this year. I was so happy. Many thanks to Kari and Jeremy for a great year as co-choreographers! We did it! :)

As I rarely do during rehearsals when we're working to improve something, I finally let myself get swept up into the music, letting the choreography just flow out of me -- almost as if I were on auto-pilot, except it felt more alive than that. I was keenly aware of the movement being woven by the whole group, but I was also really *dancing* with my partners. I knew the choreography well enough that it was no longer really a choreography ... does that make any sense? I was able to relax and have fun, to just enjoy being a part of what was unfolding--for the first time--to our surrounding audience. There's something unique about real performances, the things toward which you work so hard because you believe so much in what you're doing. I've never fully understood why I'm drawn so much to things that involve performance, in spite of other contrasting aspects of my personality, but I think this has something to do with it.

The rest of the evening was really wonderful, too. David was a wonderful date, always a total gentleman. We had a lot of fun dancing in both rooms. I'd say we probably spent an equal amount of time in each room, though more in the waltz room towards the beginning and then more in the swing room towards the end. I danced very little with other people that night, and in fact, I think I actually only danced five songs not with David: the traditional first waltz with my Opening waltz partner (Mike), one fast swing with Jeff Russell, the (painfully slow) Bohemian National Polka with Justin, a foxtrot/slow lindy with Brian Lee, and the last (canned) waltz with Bryan Lung (because David had disappeared off to the coat room, sadly!).

That count goes up to six if you include the waltz competition that I entered with Melisa Wong. I was looking around for a guy to dance with but couldn't find anyone, so when I saw Melisa off on the side the idea crossed my mind that it'd be fun to dance as a lead and enter just for fun. She excitedly agreed, because she too had been unsuccessful finding a guy to be her partner. Whew, competing in that competition was so stressful! I realized quickly that I know very little in leading fast waltzes -- but we weren't getting tapped out! I really expected it to be short-lived fun and that we'd get tapped out long before the finals, but this was not the case. I was getting really tired and racking my brain for what else I might dare try to lead, when much to our shock we heard the music ending, leaving us still out on the floor. I couldn't believe it! And I was becoming very alarmed at the prospect of having to compete in the finals *in front of everybody*, when I knew so little that I could lead. However, it turned out that the judges had left 6 couples out on the floor, which was one couple too many for the final round. So they turned on some more music, and sure enough (much to my relief), after 20 seconds we were the couple they chose to eliminate. There was a groan of protest from the spectators on our side of the room (which was gratifying), but I wasn't kidding when I said I was really relieved not to be in the finals. I still think it's rather ridiculous that we managed to stay in until the very last minute. But it was certainly a fun experience! Melisa was an awesome follow, especially considering my leading which leaves something to be desired, so many thanks go to her for partnering me. People remarked later that we looked like a rotating pair of flowers, since I was still in my poofy white Opening dress and Melisa was still in her poofy blue Danse Libre dress. Heehee. I also got who-knows-how-many comments throughout the rest of the night from people who thought we shouldn't have been tapped out. Whatever - I'm still glad we were! :)

David and I caught most of the performances throughout the evening, all of which were absolutely amazing. I particularly enjoyed seeing Danse Libre and Swingtime. Danse Libre is always so polished and aesthetically pleasing with all the colors of the ladies' dresses. And Swingtime I felt was even more polished than they usually are -- their first number was sharp and synchronized and incredibly energetic. Everyone else (Knotts Dance Company, Two Men and a Katie, Salseros, Double or Nothing) also dazzled the crowds with their performances, and it was fun to see all my friends in those groups. Congratulations, everyone!

Sadly, I somehow managed to miss both the Committee Salute waltz and the Steering toast later that night. I lost track of time early in the evening (that's the problem with not having a watch on), so David and I happened to be in the swing room when the Committee Salute happened. And then I just completely forgot about the Steering toast. No one reminded me about it after its first mention at the last Steering meeting, which was a whole two DAYS before the Ball! It just literally was not anywhere in my brain on the night of Viennese, and for some reason Jeremy said he couldn't find me in either room. I'm fairly sure I was in the swing room, since David and I had watched the midnight performance in there, but it's weird that Jeremy couldn't find me. Anyway, that was sad, but at least I managed to be around for the Steering picture at the end of the night.

(Here are the rest of Brian's photos from Viennese Ball. Brian is cool!)
(I have some pictures of my own, taken by my brother on my new camera that was a birthday present from my dad, but I'll need to find another photo-hosting site before I can share them. Pbase changed their system about a year ago, which is why I haven't touched that account since before *last* year's Viennese Ball.)

I had so many flowers in my room after Viennese! Purple tulips and pink mini-roses from David, two white roses and a red one from Jeremy, the beautiful bouquet from Steering, and the carnations my brother had given me for my birthday. My room was so bright with all the pretty colors. :)

So, on all accounts, Viennese was awesome. :)

As a result of having actual free time (and no real desire to use my brain), I have succumbed to such mindless activities as filling out surveys. It's been so long since I've done one of these things. This is one that's been floating around Wootae's and Theo's xangas. I deleted the things that I didn't want to answer, or the things that I couldn't revise to become easily answerable (like many of the "favorite ___" questions, because we all know how much I suck at picking favorites).

By the way, I decided to excise the annoying Asian-slang. "lYkEz" and "pEePz tYnK" was just far too annoying to look at for more than, oh, 0.2 nanoseconds. (Tribute to Kari. Heehee.)

--------------------
|Likes|
2. Beverage: Cranberry juice.
5. Car: My Volvo. It rocks. (I am a creature of habit, which is largely why I like my Volvo so much.)
6. Color: Blue (duh).
7. Flower: White roses / white lilies.
8. Food: My mom's Chinese food.
9. Fruit: Strawberries.
12. Ice Cream: Green Tea! Mmmm.
18. Salad Dressing: I don't eat salad.
19. Season: Spring.
20. Song: I will never in my life be able to pick a favorite song. However, my most recent discovery is Casting Crown's "Who Am I", which is stuck in my head after I heard it on the radio twice this morning.

|Social Life|
1. Closest Girl Friends: Chi-En, Erin.
2. Closest Guy Friends: Eric, Bryan, Justin.
3. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Nope.
4. Friend You've Known the Longest: Out of the above, Eric and Bryan. Technically, Bryan wins, because we met at the very first advising group dinner during our first day at Stanford.

|People Think|
1. My dad thinks: I am smart and extremely stubborn.
2. My mom thinks: I should still be a Chemical Engineering major.
3. My grandpa thinks: I am really busy.
4. My grandma thinks: I should speak more Chinese.
6. My best girl friends think: I am supersilly.
7. My best guy friends think: I am not your stereotypical girl.
8. My friends think: I invest a lot in what I care about.
9. My sibling thinks: "You're my sister!"
10. I think: I am lucky that God never gives up on me.

|Who|
1. Is the Funniest: Rob Majors.
3. Is the Most Dependable: Eric.
5. Is the Most Trustworthy: Chi-En.
7. Is the Shortest: NOT ME! Haha...
8. Is the Smartest: (Also not me. I can't believe Wootae and Theo both put me down for this one, even with the added "from hs" qualification. Nowadays I forget that I used to have that kind of reputation.) Anyway, this question is absolutely impossible to answer at Stanford.
10. Is the Tallest: Out of the people I interact with regularly? ...probably Uchenna?
12. Makes You Happy: "God and all things from Him." <--- I agree with Woo/Theo. But also, lately I miss my girldates with Chi-En.
13. Is Your Hero: Jesus.

|What|
1. Do you hate to do: Write papers.
2. Do you love to do: Waltz.
3. Makes you angry: People/things that hurt people I care about.
4. Makes you happy: Music.
5. Makes you sad: Conflicts. (My brother suggested, "Unresolved chord progressions." HAHAHA.)

|This or That|
2. Blue or Red: Blue.
3. Black or White: White.
4. Daisies or Roses: Roses.
6. Fruits or Vegetables: Fruits.
8. Hugs or Kisses: Hugs.
9. Ice Cream or Popsicle: Ice cream.
10. Jamba Juice or Starbucks: Jamba Juice.
12. Snowboarding or Surfing: Neither.
13. Soda or Juice: Juice.
14. Short Hair or Long Hair: For me? Long hair.
15. Sunrises or Sunsets: Sunsets. Dusk is SO my favorite time of day.

|In the last 24 hours|
1. Have You Cried: No.
2. Have You Eaten: Yes.
3. Have You Gotten in a Fight: No.
4. Have You Hugged Someone: Yes. I'm home!
5. Have You Kissed Someone: No.
6. Have You Laughed: Yes.
7. Have You Missed Someone: Yes.
8. Have You Talked On the Phone: Yes.
9. Have You Told Someone You Loved Him or Her: Yes.
10. Have You Yelled At Someone: No.

|Rewind|
3. What High School Did You Go To: Castro Valley High School.
4. What Elementary School Did You Go To: Vannoy Elementary School.
5. Your First Love: Currently, God. Chronologically, Matt Davis (also the only boy this applies to).

|Forward|
1. Do You Want To Get Married: Yes.
2. How Many Kids Do You Want To Have: Maybe 2 or 3, or whatever God has planned for me.
4. What Do You Want To Be: Good question...I have no idea. Maybe a teacher? Maybe something else? Waiting for God to nudge me somewhere...
5. Where Do You Want To Live: The Bay Area is nice, but I have no super-strong feelings on this at the moment.
--------------------

Goodness, that was long, even after I pared it down...

I finally updated the quote page for the first time in four months. Enjoy!

I'm home!

My plans for Spring Break::
1) Sleep.
2) Spend time with my mommy.
3) Hang out with my brother, if I can pry him away from (a) his girlfriend, and (b) his car.
4) See The Passion of the Christ (so I can finally be back in the loop at my church).
5) Practice violin.
6) Play guitar.
7) Play piano.
8) Write in my journal.
9) Get together with Mindi.
10) Finish arranging "So Subtly" for Testimony.
11) Read C.S. Lewis.
12) Enjoy the beautiful weather outside.
13) Start planning with Becky for Big Dance decorations. (Anyone want to be one of our minions?)
14) Hopefully hang out with Erin.
15) Blog about Viennese Ball.

I turned in my last 2 writing assignments at 4:00pm yesterday afternoon. What did I do to reward myself? ... Clean my room!!! :-D Seriously, it's my favorite way to destress after finals -- especially since my room usually falls into various states of disarray over the course of Dead Week and Finals Week. So I finally got to put on MY music (not that I don't love Haydn and Mozart and Beethoven normally, but it's not my everyday listening fare), as I dismantled the assorted piles of papers, books, clean laundry, and miscellaneous items peppering my side of the room. By 6:00pm everything was clean and organized! YAY! Cleaning makes me HAPPY. I know, I am a huge dork.

Also, I had a wonderful surprise last night. Jarreau came over to surprise me with a beautiful bouquet of flowers!! Apparently for no real reason, except that finals are over and he wanted to thank me for being his director. :) The card reads: "Tinar--Now that finals are over Spring is here! You should celebrate w/ flowers! Thanks for being an awesome director-lady. J-bass." Awww! They're white roses and white lilies, which are my favorites (he went to the trouble of finding out!), plus one light-pink tulip in the middle. His friend informed me that Jarreau hand-arranged them into a bouquet himself! And he even attached a small Stanford teddy bear at the bottom so it looked like the bear was holding the flowers -- absolutely adorable. It was so sweet of him! Now I have beautiful flowers brightening up my (clean!) room. :-D Thank you so much, Jarreau!

HAHAHAHA. One of the two "unknown" listening ID's on this morning's final was SO one of the Haydn symphonies I wrote about for my final paper. I KNOW I GOT THAT ONE RIGHT! (When I looked down at the set of scores my professor handed out for the exam, I almost laughed out loud because I'd been staring at the same exact thing for the past 48 hours. I'd be willing to bet that the book from which she photocopied the score is the same one I have sitting on my desk right now. No joke.)

I think I also got the three "known" listening ID's right. 1) Mozart's Piano Concerto in A (K.488), first movement; 2) Haydn's String Quartet Op. 33, No. 2 (nicknamed the "Joke"), finale; and 3) Beethoven's "Eroica" Symphony, No. 3, first movement. Yay for easy ID's.

Papers turned in: 1
Papers left to write: 1.5.5 (1 big paper, 2 little papers)
Problems solved on ChemE take-home: 0 / 7
Actual exams remaining: 1
Everything due/happens: Thursday :-(
Tina's energy level: ... . .    .      .

Sleep is currently my biggest enemy. ARGH.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting."
- Psalm 139:23-24

Current Music:: Karl Digerness - "Satisfied"
I really could do without all the new (or old) issues popping up. SIGH. I just keep finding more and more messes that I need to bring to God.

The most helpful thing you could do for me right now is pray for me -- for endurance, for focus, and for self-discipline. I'm going to need it to get through the next couple weeks. Thanks for all the encouraging words, everyone.

I wish I could graduate with my class. I'm ready to be done.

1) Anhingaman (12:36:52 AM): tango is a very serious business--i don't know how you can take it so lightly

2) Altos rock!

~~ Chi-En, Tina, Jenn, and Jenny - at Viennese Ball, Feb. 27, 2004 ~~



(*Edit: Many thanks to Brian for touching up the scanned photo! Original photo courtesy of Jeff Lee.)

[Click here for another picture of us, except in reverse order and with our dates.]
3) My brother is cute. :)
sumptim wong (8:25:44 PM): you can do it! i believe in you ;D
sumptim wong (8:26:01 PM): you're my super-sister - gooo tinar powar!
sumptim wong (8:26:05 PM): mwahahahaha

Happy Birthday, Erin-dear!
Hee hee, surprises are FUN! I loooove you!!

You know the Schubert analysis paper (Music 121 midterm) that I was all stressed out about a couple weeks ago? Well, I just got it back this morning. Somehow, I managed to get a 19/20 on it. And Prof. Barth apparently really liked my comparative structural diagrams. He wrote me a note, "Is it OK with you if I use your chart as an example of elegant clarity for future classes?" (Figures that the strongest point of my work would involve a chart.)

So, wow. How did that happen? I suppose it's good encouragement for the remaining amounts of yucky writing I have to do for all my final projects this quarter, but I'm still rather bewildered. Anyway, thanks, God. This is yet another example of "God pulling through for me because clearly if left to my own devices I would have sucked" (like the deliverance of my testimony at Christmas Show).