* tiny but powerful *

Highlights from yesterday::
1) I FINALLY found a certain someone's favorite Spanish candy!! I've been looking for it for weeks! It's probably painfully obvious who I'm talking about (because, really, how many people do I know who have been in abroad in Spain this year?) but I'm so excited about finding it that I can't contain myself! She didn't ask me for it, but I remember her giving me some to try after she got back from Spain. I'm so excited to surprise her with it! :D
2) My brother said he'll come to Big Dance with me!!!! I'm so excited! I'll get to teach him stuff! (and coerce my friends to help teach him stuff!) And he'll get to meet Eric's sister!! Did I say yet that I'm excited? :) :) :)
3) I realized that I'm ending up way under budget for this whole trip. Woohoo!
4) I shared Testimony's CD with Severine and Virginie last night. They first wanted to hear Bryan's and my solos on it, but they liked Testimony so much that they wanted to listen to the whole CD straight through. I hadn't realized how long it's been since I listened to it myself (a reaction leftover from having Tmony-overload during the completion of the project). So it was a treat for me, too.

Well, today was my last day of class. Kind of hard to believe, but I completed 125 hours of the Spanish program! I have my nifty-looking certificate and everything. My teachers said good things about me, so I'm happy. ;)

This week has definitely been nice for transitioning. With Reena gone and Severine now in an afternoon class, my morning routine has been pretty different. And since we have tomorrow off, I have a whole day to myself before I say goodbye to Madrid. I plan to take a nice long walk around the city, with my journal in tow, and revisit all of my favorite places one last time (this includes lots of parks and gardens; surprise surprise). Then I'll pack up all my stuff in the evening (I hope it fits) and go to bed early, since I have a super early flight on Friday morning. Actually, I realized that it must be the same Madrid-to-Munich flight that Bryan took on his way back to Berlin, because it leaves at exactly the same time on a weekday. Yeah, I know it's kind of stupid that I have to fly *east* to Munich before flying a whole many hours *west* back to San Francisco, but my flight is with Lufthansa (a German airline affiliated with United) so I didn't have much choice. I don't really mind long flights, though (as long as my back behaves), because I sleep easily and have plenty with which to amuse myself (e.g. music, books, my journal). But I'd appreciate prayer for safe flights. :) ¡Gracias!

I'm leaving soon to spend the afternoon at a couple museums -- Centro de Arte Reina Sofia (which I haven't been to at all) and the Museo del Prado (where Bryan and I hadn't had very much time or energy). And then tonight Severine and I are going out to see a Spanish movie. You know...trying to fit in those things I'd like to experience before I leave. I'm looking forward to the quiet alone time during my planned walk on Thursday. I'm going to read through all my journal entries since I left home, and pull together what God has taught me during these 6 weeks -- trust me, there's a lot. I'm just totally in awe of God right now. What I've learned and figured out during this time just totally amazes me, and with it I feel a renewed preparedness to return to the reality of my life -- my life as a whole, and me as a whole person -- made whole because of what I have and who I am in God. I don't have the time to write anything that would make sense in a blog post right now (and I think I'm still finishing up the process), but I'd be happy to share about it with any of you in person after I get back (just let me know if you're interested, because I'm not always sure which of you are). I think I'm entering a new phase in my walk with Him, and I'm really excited to see what He has in store for me after what He's begun here. I'll always remember Madrid as the place where God spoke the most sense into my life at a time when I needed it the most.

So...this is my last blog from Spain. The next time I post, I'll be back in California! (I just realized that, except for one blog from Mar. 31, my entire stay in Spain will be encapsulated in the "April 2003" archives. That's kind of cool.) I'm super excited to see Testimony right off the bat -- they're opening for For Christ's Sake's Spring Concert at UC Berkeley on Saturday night (May 3rd, 7:00-9:00pm @ 145 Dwinelle, if you can make it!), so I'm gonna be right there cheering both groups on for the show. I'll get to see dance people soon, too -- there's a 2004 Steering Committee gathering on Sunday morning, before I have my first rehearsal with Testimony 02-03 not as director. And I get to see Kari during all of those things! We're even drawing together for next year's housing...it seems that that whole "Dynamic Duo" thing isn't too far from the truth. ;)

"Until hello." I'm coming home. :)

Oh my goodness -- my brother is actually learning to DANCE!!! :D

All right, I'm forcing myself to blog about Barcelona because I know that if I don't do it now, I'm never going to get around to it. So here goes. :)

The trip started off with a very long and trying train ride. The coach compartments were incredibly cramped: 8 people total, with 2 rows of 4 straight-backed seats facing each other. Even given the uncomfortable conditions, though, I found small blessings that made the situation more bearable. For example, everyone in our compartment was female, which made a big difference for how at ease I could feel (I know that may sound stupid, but it's true). Secondly, sitting next to us were two girls from the U.S., almost exactly my age (but they're college sophomores) -- they're currently spending a trimester in Athens, Greece and are traveling around Spain for their Easter vacation. It was really enjoyable to hear about their travels as we fell into lively conversation for the first couple hours of the train ride. Lastly, the old woman sitting across from me was very friendly and we worked out a mutual arrangement to sit in our seats as far to our respective right sides as possible, so that we could prop our legs up on the edge of each other's seats. So, even though we definitely did not sleep well on the night train ride, Severine and I both arrived in Barcelona at 7:00am in one (slightly sore) piece. But we were very sleepy. ;)

Despite starting off our visit being tired, I must say that we were very successful in making good use of our little time in Barcelona! After inspecting a Metro map and comparing it to Severine's tour book map, we determined that our hostel was located east -- so we decided to walk east. As in, we exited the doors of the train station and walked toward the sun. We're smart. ;) The city was enchantingly quiet at that early hour. It was great. We plotted our route so as to pass by the Universitat on the way there. Oh, that reminds me -- one of the most immediately noticeable differences between Madrid and Barcelona is the *language*. Barcelona speaks Catalan, which is a different dialect of Spanish than the one that I've been learning in Madrid (Castilian, or castellano). Castilian is the most similar to the Mexican Spanish that I was taught in high school; Catalan, on the other hand, is a mix of Spanish and French. So even though I could more or less decipher what things meant, I was definitely not on comfortable turf in terms of the language. Luckily, most people in Barcelona also know Castilian, but all the signs everywhere are written in Catalan. Anyway, I spent the walk over to the hostel trying to acquaint myself with commonly used Catalan words ("sortida" instead of "salida", "mercat" instead of "mercado", etc.).

After finding the Plaza de Cataluyna, we headed down Las Ramblas (a very famous street, full of flower stands in the median sidewalk for the whole 4 or 5 blocks) toward the Meditteranean Sea. On the way, we found Barcelona's famous food market on a side street -- my goodness, I've never seen so much fresh food, meat, and seafood in one place! It was wonderfully colorful everywhere, and Severine and I bought little plates of fresh-cut fruit, plus a pastry from a nearby bakery, to enjoy breakfast on the docks that extended from Las Ramblas. The weather started to turn cloudy, and for most of the day it alternated between cloudy and slightly sunny, but the advantage of that is it made for a comfortable walking temperate in our coats. We spent the rest of the morning at the Museu Picasso and the city's Cathedral. By 1:00pm, we were allowed to check into our hostel (conveniently located just two blocks from the Plaza de Cataluyna), where we decided that the rest of the day would be much more enjoyable if we stopped to take a nap and have a quick shower. We were very pleasantly surprised with our hostel -- a very clean room with no other inhabitants, a small bathroom joined to the bedroom, and a key specifically for our room door, so we could leave our backpacks behind without worrying about theft. Once rested and fresh, we set off for another walk, this time towards the inland part of the city. We passed by (and gawked at) several of the buildings designed by Antonio Gaudi, which definitely had a distinct artistic style, and then visited La Sagrada Familia (another Gaudi brainchild unfortunately still unfinished due to lack of funding). Our next destination was to be Park Guell, but on the way there we saw a cathedral-looking building off a short distance, so we made a detour to check it out. It turned out to be a *hospital*! I have never, ever in my life imagined a hospital to look like that. The building that we saw was only one corner of a collection of similarly beautiful buildings with a park-like courtyard in the middle, and we were just sort of dumbstruck. After making ourselves believe that it was really a hospital, we continued on our search of Park Guell. Our map was of no help since it was located beyond the scope of the map, so we just walked the general direction the park should have been until we found signs pointing the rest of the way. The distance turned out to be much longer and much more uphill than we thought, but the trek was well worth it. Despite subideal weather, the park was gorgeous, full of cool monuments (more Gaudi), and offered a beautiful view of the city and the sunset. Staying there until we confirmed dinner arrangements (via cell phone text messages) with Reena, we set off on the long downhill walk to catch the Metro for the first time. (The Metro in Barcelona is stinkier than Madrid's. :P) What followed was a wonderful evening with the two girls who have been my best friends here in Madrid. I finally had a paella! (we all did) -- an elegant, leisurely dinner seated at an outside table under an umbrella. The night sky was beautiful (you know how I *love* that blue color at dusk), the food was delicious, and the company was superfun. And afterwards, we enjoyed the most delicious ice cream I've ever had (I'm not kidding; I'm not a big ice cream person, but this was *incredible* ice cream) at a place Severine and I had discovered earlier in the afternoon. We certainly made the best of our last night together with all three of us!

After getting a great night's sleep (actually almost 8 hours!), Severine and I were ready to by 9:00am on Sunday morning. The morning consisted of yet another walk around yet another part of the city, to find Barcelona's Arc de Triomph (we were prepared to laugh at it, but it was actually pretty cool-looking), several Museus to look at but not go into, and another park area closer to the Meditteranean coast. We found it full of activity with a huge flea market, which was fun to browse through and surprisingly useful for finding gifts and souvenirs (the best gifts, in my opinion, are the ones you weren't looking for but upon seeing made you think immediately, "That is SO [[insert name here]]!"). Then we met Reena at the Metro station to go see the Plaza de Espanya (there was some huge grand opening of something going on, which prevented us from going down the street we wanted), the Pueblo Espanyol (the preservation site of a cute little old village), and the Olympic Stadium. The hilly terrain took its toll on my right knee, though (which, weirdly, started giving me problems after the Hamburg trip with Theo), so we aborted our original plan to visit the sea docks again. The weather on Sunday was absolutely beautiful -- sunny, with a few clouds, and a gentle breeze. The afternoon passed by more quickly than we would have liked, and before we knew it we had to to say our sad but quick goodbyes to Reena. We were perfectly on time to buy a few snacks for the train ride and hop onto the 3:30pm train back to Madrid.

The train ride on the way back was *SO* much better than on the way there. It was a different train line, so our seats were like comfortably sized airplane seats, and it was a welcome treat after what we had braced ourselves for. Definitely a great way to end the trip. I spent the 7-hour train ride sleeping, listening to music, and reading -- I actually finished the whole second half of "Pride and Prejudice"! (Thanks for the recommendation, Kari; I loved it!) So Severine and I returned in good spirits and wholly satisfied with our trip to Barcelona. Go us! ;) I'm so glad we actually made it happen!

And that, folks, is all I have to say at the moment. I'm all blogged out. ¡Hasta luego!

I'm back! And Barcelona was incredible! But we have un monton of class today, so I can only make a quick post before running off to find lunch before class resumes at 3:30.

I can't believe this is already my last week here. I've definitely settled into a groove here, and it's weird to think I'll be jolted out of it soon. Severine and I were remarking to each other about how it's nice to observe our changes in mentality -- before, we had to keep our brains cranking 110% every second just to keep up with someone talking directly to us; but now, we can just sit and listen with ease to whatever's going on around us, and be able to make jokes and join in on the conversation. We don't have to work hard to understand things, and it's a great feeling.

I think I'll be ready to return home, though. At first I wasn't sure I would be, but I think I am. Actually, I think the timing couldn't have been any more perfect. Any earlier and I would have felt it too soon; any later and I think I would start to get antsy for home and for Stanford. So I'm really quite happy. :)

Barcelona details to come (perhaps after class).

[PS: Bryan finally blogged about his visit to Madrid in a more interesting fashion than I did.]
[PPS: There are some cool updates on the Testimony website!]

Oh man. I miss clean air. People smoke EVERYWHERE. Yechhch.

In other news, Severine and I leave for Barcelona at 10pm tonight! Our train will arrive at 7am, which means that I'll still be in transit while Testimony performs at Admit Show for the profros (that's Stanford-speak for "prospective freshmen") -- GOOD LUCK, TMONY! :) This trip to Barcelona reminds me of Theo's and my adventure to Hamburg. I feel much more confident about exploring a city on my own after having made that trip with Theo. I'm excited!

Yet other news::
- Next week we have the same superlong schedule as the week before Easter, since next Thursday and Friday are holidays and we have to make up one of the two days. So that means an extra 2 hours of class on Monday and Tuesday.
- Reena leaves tomorrow. :( But Severine and I will be able to meet up with her while we're all in Barcelona this weekend!
- I will, indeed, be rejoining Testimony for Spring Show 2003. :)
- For the 2004 Viennese Ball, I have the honor of being one of the Opening Committee choreographers with the highly esteemed Kari Doyle and Jeremy Sugerman. (Us three again...yup. ;-) )

I'll be out of communication until Monday. Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!

One of the most amusing language moments during Bryan's visit:: The first night he arrived, we went to a Chinese restaurant after midnight so Bryan could break his fast from Good Friday. I, thinking that the waiter spoke Chinese, asked for something in Chinese. He, evidently not speaking Chinese, answered in Spanish. I, knowing that Bryan couldn't understand, translated it to English. But Bryan, having had his instinctual responses reprogrammed (as are mine, likewise), responded in German ("Ja. I mean, si!"). I couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the whole exchange, which didn't help the confusion! ;)

On a similar note, our dinner gathering on Sunday was fun in large part because of all the languages we had going. I was really happy that Severine got back from Valencia in time to meet Bryan, because she speaks German, too (she's from Switzerland, so she also speaks French and English). It was also Virginie's first night in Madrid, so she and Severine had some French going as well. And Bryan (Mr. I Know Latin But Wish I Remembered More Of It) did a very good job all weekend of discerning the meanings of Spanish words on signs and advertisements. We also made several of our usual Cantonese vs. Mandarin comparisons during the course of cooking egg-drop soup that night. So many languages!

Last night I went out to the movies with Severine, Macushla (from my class), and two of their mutual friends. I was just tagging along, so I had no say in where we went, but it turned out to be an American film called (in translation) "Lejos del Cielo" (does anyone know what the title is in English?). They played it in its original form (i.e. not dubbed), so it was interesting to hear everything in English and see the corresponding Spanish subtitles underneath it. It was quite a powerful movie, set in an older decade (I'm not sure which one), touching on issues about gender roles, homosexuality, and racial segregration. I didn't understand the ending (if you can call that an ending), but the filming itself was very well done. It was fun to meet a couple new people and see yet another part of Madrid that I hadn't been to yet.

PS: Jonathan, si escribiera (o "blogara") en espanol, habria algunas personas que no podria leer lo que habia escrito. No quiero enfadarles a ellos, porque me acuerdo que era dificil entender las paginas de web de mis otros amigos que estaban en otros paises si hubieran escrito en sus propios idiomas. Por eso, no blogo en espanol, excepto que esta vez. ¿Esta bien? :)

Happy Birthday, Amanda Wong!!! :o)
You're my awesomest little cousin, and I hope you have a wonderful birthday today!

I received the cutest postcard from Amanda just yesterday. She told me that she just won 2nd chair in her clarinet section, made the tennis team, and got picked for student of the quarter! She's gonna be a knock-out 12-year-old this year, so everyone better watch out. ;)

Speaking of mail, Chi-En sent me a blue construction-paper "meep" card. Thanks, Chi-En. Glad to know that meepness isn't dying out in my absence. ;)

My Conversation class seems to have switched levels to Avanzado. I didn't realize it until today when I didn't have the book that everyone else had. I don't know how that happened, but it must have been when they reshuffled and combined some of the classes, and I didn't notice because I still had the same teacher as before. So by the time I leave next week, I should have completely finished Intermedio II for both Grammar and Conversation. It's nice to have a benchmark in sight.

My Grammar class switched classrooms, and now we meet in the other building across the street. So I'm the only one who has to make a whole building switch between classes, but it's a good reminder of when I have to traipse all the way across campus for different classes at Stanford, so it's not bad. ;) One annoying thing, though, is that the lighting in the new (well, actually it's really old) room is bad and it hurts my eyes. But I only have 6 more days of class here in Madrid (yikes!) so it's not too bad to stick it out.

It turns out that Virginia (my new roommate) got placed into my class -- what a coincidence! She's doing the Super-Intensive program, though, so she has an additional 2 hours of class each day. It's funny that my apartmentmates keep getting into similar classes as mine; before Reena's class moved up a level, she had the same two teachers I did (Ivan and Fausto) except for the opposite subjects -- so my Grammar teacher was her Conversation teacher, and vice versa. Speaking of Reena, it'll be good to get her back tonight, even if just for a few more days. She went back to England for the weekend for her cousin's wedding, but on Saturday she's leaving for Barcelona for the last two weeks of Spanish classes (she was in Salamanca for 4 weeks before coming to Madrid). The cool thing is that Severine and I should be able to meet up with Reena for her first night in Barcelona, since we're taking the train there on Friday night. This weekend will be a fun adventure.

This afternoon I'm going on the school outing to the Museo de San Isidro, so it's lunchtime!

Wow. I just had an incredibly, incredibly encouraging conversation (online) with my former violin teacher. I feel a whole lot better about some things now. And I think I'm slowly figuring myself out.

Meep!

First of all, a few belated announcements (all intended for yesterday, when I didn't have internet time)::
- Happy Easter!
- Happy 21st Birthday, Matt!
- Happy 21st Birthday, Phil!

Okay, now onto a brief exposition about the weekend...

Yay for Bryan coming to Madrid! Things started out with him *somehow* (this is Bryan we're talking about) thwarting the airport system and coming out of the wrong arrival terminal. So there I was, hanging out by Sala 2, and 30 minutes after I should have seen him, I hear him call my name from *behind* me. Yeah...we don't know. :P So Friday night, we checked him into his first hostel and tried to catch the end of the Good Friday parade. We went to the spot that my host mother had recommended but we were too late for the parade, so we turned the adventure into a walking night tour of that area of the city. The cool thing is that when we ended up in Plaza Mayor, we found the parade! Go us!

Saturday morning started off with yet another meeting-up mishap, but I'll let Bryan tell that story. ;) After finally getting Bryan checked into a different youth hostel, we had a quick lunch and set out for what ended up to be a fun but tiring day: walking across a different part of the city to show him the Temple of Debot and some cool gardens, visiting El Palacio Real, visiting the Museo del Prado, and an informal dinner with my host mother at the apartment. Sunday morning started early with renewing Bryan's stay for another night, then going to Easter service at St. George's Church (the same one I went to two weeks ago), and in the afternoon we visited the Rastro (flea market), had a late lunch (poor Bryan wasn't used to the Spanish eating schedule), strolled around the Retiro, and returned to my apartment for a slightly larger dinner gathering. The original plan was that Saturday we would have an "international cook-off" where all of us would cook something from our culture, but Reena and Severine and Leticia all ended up being out of town, so it got cancelled. But on Sunday night, since a new girl from France had arrived (she's sharing my room now), Bryan still got to show off his mad cooking skills by whipping up his yummy egg-drop soup for us (I helped!). And then this morning, I sadly had to take Bryan back to the airport (we had to leave before the sun was up...whee).

For most of the weekend, my appetite and digestive system were still not quite normal, so that took its toll on my energy level and eating habits, but we still had a ton of fun and I'm nearly all better now. I'm still amazed that I managed to get better before Bryan arrived! Unfortunately, I should stop here since I have to finish replying to emails before my time runs out (emails really pile up after a few days). I'll try to elaborate on things later, but Bryan* probably has more colorful stories to tell (*warning: Bryan is not a consistent blogger ;-) ). Hope you all had a wonderful Easter!

Vomiting and fainting are not fun, either.

So it was finally my turn to get sick, but mine was nothing like what everyone else had. After I returned to the apartment for some brunch yesterday, I only felt like eating a couple pieces of toast before deciding that I should take a nap. A couple hours later, I woke up feverish, achy, dizzy, and with an unsettled stomach. I have never seen myself that pale before. I threw up what little I had eaten, then fainted onto the couch before making it back to my room. The following 24 hours were highly unpleasant. I couldn't sleep too well because my whole body ached, and I was too dizzy to make it out of the apartment, so my host mother had to call a doctor to come. He gave me a shot (I hate shots) so I could stop throwing up all of the water I was trying to drink, as well as some fever-reducing medicine. He said that there's been some bug sweeping all across Madrid, and there were two variations of it; everyone else I know has one of them (coughing, sore throat, etc. which lasts longer), and I somehow managed to catch the other. Luckily, by the time I took my medicine dosage at 10:00am this morning, I was feeling considerably better. And I've been feeling more or less normal since about 3:00, excepting some residual achiness and fatigue. Just in time too, since I have to pick up Bryan at the airport at 7:30!

That was definitely the worst 24-hour bug I've ever remembered having. But I'm better now. :)

Racism is not fun.

Conversacion this morning was a real treat: since there were only 2 of us students, we held "class" in a nearby cafe (everyone else seems to have left early for the weekend's vacation). It was so much fun! I really like my new Conversation teacher; I appreciate having a female teacher, and she's so gentle and sweet. I talked more today (and more smoothly) than I ever have. I realized that, somewhere along the way in the past couple weeks, I made the transition toward being able to think in Spanish -- now, when I speak and when I listen, I'm communicating (and being communicated to) directly from ideas to Spanish, instead of making a stopover in English. It's really quite cool.

Last night, Severine, Reena, Madoka (Severine's friend, who's from Japan) went to see a ballet flamenco at a theater near Puerta del Sol (the center of Madrid, literally). The show was absolutely amazing -- I was very impressed. I wasn't quite as taken away by it as the other girls, but that could have been because it's hard to follow up on the performance of Sleeping Beauty that I saw in Berlin. Still, though, the talent of the dancers was incredible, and it was good to be exposed to yet another style and culture of dance. The star of the show, Sara Baras, is really famous all across the world, and I feel so lucky to have seen her in performance! The wholeness of the performance was impressive as well: the precision of the musicians (flamenco involves a lot of percussion and rhythm, which is only breath-taking with complete synchronization), the beauty and simplicity of the stage set and costumes, and the way the choreography utilized variations in how many people on stage, which direction they were facing, and how fast they were moving, to express the music perfectly (Sara Baras choreographed the show herself). Thanks goes to Severine for organizing the outing!

After seeing the show, we spontaneously decided to go out for chocolate con churros, since Madoka and I hadn't had them before. No, I didn't mix up those nouns -- it's really *chocolate* with churros, not the other way around. You get a coffee-sized cup of semi-thick chocolate sauce (but not sweet like fudge), and a helping of (nonflavored) churros to dip in the chocolate. I'm not a big chocolate person, but it was quite yummy! Added to my list of cool Spanish foods. :)

The school is closing for the long weekend, so my internet access will be a bit more sporadic the next couple days -- and then Bryan will be here for the weekend, so we'll be busy gallivanting across the city! ;) He's arriving Friday night, and we'll try to make it to a Good Friday service if we can, but it might be too late by the time we get out of the airport. I'm really looking forward to spending Easter weekend with a fellow believer, not to mention that he's one of my closest friends. I have no doubt that my personal growth here in Europe is inextricably linked to being away from everyone and everything that's a big part of my usual life (and I've definitely been enjoying the solitude), but I do miss real fellowship. It will be wonderful to share prayer again. And it'll shorten the "longest period of time we won't see each other" from 6 months to 5 months, so that's a nice side effect. ;)

It's been wonderful to get to know the girls I'm living with and the people in my classes at school, but I do miss having people around who share my idea of fun. Here, I'm the only person who doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't like clubbing, and doesn't pay attention to cute boys (you know what I mean: the whole squealing and gossipping and trying-to-be-noticed thing). I'm sure too, though, that this is part of my figuring out who I am, putting together all the fragments of "Self" that have screamed their voices over the years, and having faith that they do fit into one whole puzzle despite how it feels and has always felt. I realized that this past weekend was the midpoint marker of my time away from California -- and it was also the most full of turmoil. Maybe those were the hardest winds of the storm; I don't know. But I do know that this week, I feel more at peace with the processes of working out and figuring out myself and my future. I'm nowhere near where I'd like to be, but I feel better this week. The ChemE vs. Music inner battle is still going full force, but I'm less afraid of it. A number of other things, as well -- but God is calming my heart.

"Pay attention, Job, and listen to me; ... be silent, and I will teach you wisdom." - Job 33:31,33

My apartmentmates and host mother (and half of my class) are still sick, and surprisingly, I'm still not. It must be all of your prayers, keeping me healthy. ;) Seriously, I really appreciate how supported I've been by all of you through prayer and advice. Thank you.

Last night, as I was listening to my music, the lyrics to an old favorite song (my obsession from last summer) struck me anew: "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton. It's a secular song, for sure, but it hit me for the first time that the words can apply as if it were me talking to God, foreshadowing being here so far away from home.

"Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces passing
And I'm home bound

Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making my way
Through the crowd

And I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder...

If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass me by
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you
Tonight."

If I could find God a little more clearly over here, would it show me a little more who I really am? And would it give a little light to show me which path to take?

In other news, Severine and I spent the weekend figuring out how and when to make a trip to Barcelona before I leave Spain. After three trips to the train station, we now have our (really cheap) train tickets to Barcelona for next weekend! Woohoo! We're taking the night train there Friday night to avoid having to pay for two nights' stay in a hostel (and we all know that I can *definitely* sleep in any moving vehicle of which I'm not the driver, no problem) and arriving at 7:00am Saturday morning, and then returning to Madrid late Sunday night.

My weekend was sufficiently full of emotional and mental confusion, but I'm tired of thinking about it so I don't want to write about it. Those of you who need to know about it (or from whom I've solicited advice) already do. It'll be much more concise if I share the final outcome of it all later anyway (though conclusions are yet to be in sight). Saturday involved an aborted trip to the Museo del Prado (maybe I can bring Bryan there on Saturday), because Sevi and I were severely delayed at the train station and Reena's meeting time with a friend was unexpectedly moved up. Sunday involved a lot of conversation and agonizing (both on the phone and online) and a rather successful trip to the Rastro (Madrid's infamous Sunday flea market) where I found some cool stuff for not a lot of money.

My grandparents (on my dad's side) had their 60th wedding anniversary on Friday, and all of my relatives in the area (there are a LOT) threw them a big celebration. It was a whole day's worth of plans, including a surprise feast at Lake Chabot (a WHOLE pig! ewww - and my mom said "we were eating you!" - hey!) with 60 helium balloons, 60 roses, and 60 cut-out hearts on a banner (in Chinese, of course). It was really fun to hear about all the festivities, but slightly sad because I was the only one out of the extended family who was missing. I'm glad it was such a rousing success. :)

Doh. Back to class...

OOH NEWS:: BRYAN IS COMING TO VISIT ME THIS WEEKEND!!!! YAYAYAY!

I'll try to write a normal entry today.

- My sheets are now blue! (They were pink before. Blue is much better.)
- I got made fun of for making a flow chart diagram for the verb tenses. Yeah, yeah. :P
- There's an interesting difference between the demographic makeup of my Grammar and Conversation classes. My Conversation class has 5 people, all either from England (London and Manchester) or the U.S. (both of us from the Bay Area! Betsy is from SF, graduated from high school in 2000 like I did, and goes to San Jose State). My Grammar class, on the other hand, has 7 people -- from Germany, France, Brazil, Denmark, Japan, and (only 2 from) the U.S.
- Next week's class schedule is really different. Since we're getting Thursday and Friday off for La Semana Santa, we're making up one of the days by adding 2 hours to each day on Monday and Tuesday (Grammar for Monday, and Conversation for Tuesday). That means a total of 7 hours of class each day for those two days. Aiya.

I wish you all a wonderful weekend.

Okay... I could really do without the new Arrows.

Scratch Genentech. Scratch a lot of things, actually.

I originally had things I was going to post about, but I don't feel like it anymore. The Arrows...there are new ones, just when I thought I'd figured out their strategy. (That won't make sense unless you've read The Sacred Romance, which I finished last night.) The smaller Stories are threatening to close in, just when I thought I'd stepped out enough to reach toward the Romance. Pray for me, please.

I should be better tomorrow.

I like lists.

- I've discovered that listening to songs on earphones allows you to get to know the whole song (background instruments and harmonies and countermelodies) SO MUCH BETTER than just listening to it from speakers. No kidding. I need to do this more often. I've been getting to know my music in new ways -- it's so great! Yeah, I know, I'm a music dork.
- I had a rather unpleasant surprise during communion at church on Sunday. The "wine" was ACTUALLY wine! I was totally expecting grape juice, like it's always been for all the churches I've been to! You know when you're expecting one taste and it turns out to be something different? -- it's terrible!! GAH! I think that's the most alcohol I've ever had. :P Blech.
- I'm the only girl in the apartment not sick right now. Reena and Sevi (the new girl who moved in on Saturday; she's from Switzerland) are both sick with a cold/cough, and Leticia was sick when she left, too. Perhaps it's not a coincidence that Reena and Leticia got sick after going to that party last Thursday night. I don't intend to catch whatever it is they have, so I'll keep getting my good nights of sleep, thank you.
- Over the weekend, Leticia asked me to explain Chinese to her. She didn't understand the concept of a written language that didn't have some sort of phonetic alphabet. I taught her how to write "little woman" (yeah, it's bad, I only remember fairly simple characters now, but that's due to the fact that writing Chinese is all memorization and for Cantonese it's worse because we don't speak the same way we write). It was quite a brain exercise to have to translate things from Chinese into *Spanish*. I'm only used to corresponding Chinese to English!
- My new Conversation class is SO much better. I talk so much more now. Imagine that. :P I figured out last night how to explain why Fausto's class was bad for me: in that environment, I was afraid to be wrong, not only with my grammar but also with my ideas. It's the same problem I have with talking in general, regardless of language barriers. And though the teacher was a large part of it, it also had to do with feeling uncomfortable with talking with that particular set of students about those difficult topics. There's a time to be challenged, but I don't think that challenge was doing me any good. Anyway, I'm doing much better now. :) Another plus is that I'm getting to know another group of students (because, before, the same class stays together for both Grammar and Conversation and it's the *teachers* who move classrooms).

Amusing Madrid Thing Of The Day:: Doorknobs are on the middle of the door (not next to the locks).

So, uh...today was pretty bad. I really *did* start crying today, halfway through the first hour of Conversation. I don't want to rehash the details, but I got really upset and stayed in the bathroom for the rest of the hour until I found Reena coming out of her classroom for the break period. She made me (read: dragged me to) talk to the receptionist about changing my Conversation class. It sucks, but she's right: I can't learn in an environment where I don't feel comfortable with the teacher. Fausto is really loud and outspoken and pokes fun at people and -- have you noticed yet? -- I just don't function well in that kind of a situation. And I have problems talking enough anyway. So, I've been switched into a different Conversation class, for a lower level (Intermedio I). I felt SO much better during the second hour. In reality, it probably is too easy for me, because I noticed that I know quite a bit more grammar and vocabulary and pronunciation than the rest of the class (I think they get new material through all of Intermedio I, and then Intermedio II teaches how to use them in various situations), but I don't mind at all. I think I need to start somewhere where I can feel confident. I was already slipping off the ladder from the start in the other class. I'm still in the same Grammar class as before, since I'm not having any problems there (and I like that teacher, anyway). So, that was the excitement for today. :P

My weekend was quite fun. On Saturday, Reena and I helped Leticia move to her new place (Rafaela had made the move a couple days earlier), and then we went to visit El Palacio Real (The Royal Palace). Everything there was amazing, but the most exciting thing by far was the room that contained the Royal Quartet -- two Stradivarius violins, a viola, and a cello! I stood there totally in awe for awhile. The handiwork on the sides of the violins were incredible. I took pictures, but I'm not sure how good they turned out because, since it was so dark, the exposure time was really long (no flash, of course) and it was unbelievably difficult to hold still long enough. Other things of note from the Palace were the Royal Pharmacy (shelves and shelves of bottles, and a distillation room with all sorts of flasks) and the Royal Armory (old shields/helmets/armor displayed on man/horse mannequins, plus swords and guns) -- both were amazing, and I took a lot of pictures of there too (in particular because I think it will interest Justin/ChemE's and Eric, respectively).

On Sunday, I visited a church (St. George's, of Anglican denomination, with services in English) in the morning, which was nice and refreshing -- but the 10:00 service I went to had mostly children, and people told me that the better-attended service was the following one at 11:15. I might try that for next weekend. Then, I had some time before I was supposed to meet Reena and Leticia at the Parque del Retiro (Retreat Park), so I went to journal at La Plaza Mayor for a little while. I was right on time at the Metro station at 12:45, so I waited for them... and waited... and waited... but they never showed up! I waited until 1:45, and then decided I would go ahead and explore the park on my own. I was pretty irritated at that point, but the beautiful weather and carnival atmosphere didn't let me stay like that for long. The Retiro is Madrid's biggest park area, and on Sundays it is a flurry of activity. Among food stands and Disney character dress-ups (yeah, I couldn't believe it; there was even a Pikachu, my goodness!) and flea market-type stands, there were also a lot of musicians sharing their music with the crowds. At a particular fountain, I found a band playing Latin music, and there were actually some people dancing! I didn't dance myself, but it was refreshing to see dance again. :) It turned out to be rather enjoyable exploring the park alone. I've been cherishing the solitude I'm able to have here. After a few hours at the park, I took the Metro over to a couple theaters to check out their performance schedules: one for the cultural zarzuelas (similar to operas, but not the same), and one for a local orchestra and chorale. Reena and I really want to see at least a zarzuela while we're here.

On the current hot topic about dance perspectives:: Thank you, Brian, for realizing that I was sticking to the given hypothetical where the two situations were considered exclusive. I agree with Graham that, in reality, there aren't two separate categories at all, and most of what he said is true for me as well. Regarding Justin's comment, though ("Follows, though, get bored more easily dancing with old partners and so seek out new partners, because for them the perfect dance is being able to follow moves that they have perhaps never seen before"), I think I have to disagree there. Oftentimes my most amazing dance of the night is with a very familiar partner with whom I am comfortable both in the dance context and out of it. There isn't as much appeal in following new moves as that statement might suggest. Being comfortable with your partner is every bit as important for follows, too. The problem I'm having with figuring all this out is that it's nearly impossible to separate all these factors in my head. I've had all three kinds of "good" dances: those that were good mainly because it was because it was with a friend, those that were good mainly because of my partner's technical ability, and those that were good because of some measure of both -- and it's really not possible for me to compare them. The first two aren't really exclusive because my friends aren't bad dancers, and I don't dance with good dancers who make me uncomfortable. I've realized, though, that if I absolutely *had* to choose one of the two in the hypothetical situation and have it be true for the rest of my life, I would choose "pretty good dances while dancing the entire time with your friends." The other option would still be enjoyable, but not if that's all dancing ever was.

I appear to be only 9 hours ahead of you guys again. That makes it easier for me to call home. :)

Okay, so my Conversation teacher almost made me cry today (but I managed not to; go me). He kept asking what I thought about something, but I didn't have anything to say except for one thing that I'd heard someone tell me before, but since I wasn't sure about the concept myself, of course I was having trouble saying it in Spanish. He finally got fed up with me and asked me to explain it in English to the other two girls in my class who are also from the U.S. (and the girl from Denmark knows English, anyway), and I was hesistating then, too, and he exclaimed, "So THAT'S your problem, you can't even explain it in English!" and I'm like, YES, DUH, I KNEW that, thank you. Blarrrgh. Like I said, these discussions would be hard enough even in English, because I just don't talk much! This has been a problem for me my entire life! I hate discussions! Blarg. And the teacher was just being mean today. :( He even made another girl cry for real, because he was picking on her for not having written down the last four phrases on the board into her notebook yet. Okay, so Profesor Fausto isn't as bad as all this is making him sound -- he's a good teacher, just really challenging, and he gets really worked up sometimes -- so along with an issue I'm already sensitive about (i.e. not being able to express myself well in words) the combination was just not what I needed this morning. But I'm better now. :)

I should qualify one of my statements from yesterday's post:: making new friends here in Spain isn't a priority at least when it involves going to a party late at night with not-my-kind of dancing and when I have class the next morning...and I'm not good in large groups of people, anyway.

I had a nice quiet evening last night. My window faces directly west, which means that I get to enjoy the sunset from my room. :) And since the sun sets so late now, I've been making a habit of using the few hours before dinner to read, pray, and journal on my bed (I've written in my journal every day since I got here, and have probably written about half as much as I wrote over the total of fall and winter quarter! :P). And then I went to bed early. Yay for sleep and quiet time. :)

Brian has posed an interesting question (of Kari's, really) on his weblog today: "If you were at a dance event, would you rather have awesome dances the entire time, dancing with experienced leads or follows that you didn't know? Or, would you rather have some pretty good dances while dancing the entire time with your friends? [Justin] argued that it differs based on whether you're a lead or follow: leads generally prefer to dance with their friends, while follows like seeking out the good dancers. Kari argued that it depends on how you perceive dance in your life: hobby, skill, social activity, etc." I've talked about this with Kari and Justin before, and I agree with Brian that they both have valid points. On one hand, from my own experience I can see Justin's point, because I find that tha´'s partially true for me when I switch between being a follow and a lead -- but I think that could be explained by the fact that I'm much less confident in my leading than my following, so naturally I'd rather dance with people whom I feel more comfortable being vulnerable if I do indeed feel like it's a more vulnerable situation. I see a lot of truth in Kari's point, too, though -- while it's different for every individual, I think each person goes through changes in his or her view of dancing with friends/strangers depending on how long and how much they've been a dancer themselves. An interesting issue to ponder, I think, and I've not yet figured out where/what I consider myself in all of it. (By the way, Brian, that was a really interesting article about Eastern vs. Western perspectives the other day.)

...which relates to something else that's been on my mind: being an "Asian-American" here in Spain. Before this, I hadn't really known what it felt like to be the minority *racially* -- culturally, yes, but not racially before (and yes, they're different, even though you'd think I'd experience the same thing in both areas -- but as Theo and I talked about, I don't fit into the "Asian-American" culture either). Sometimes I can tell people look twice at me because I'm Asian -- and that definitely never happens at home or at school, where there's such a high percentage of Asians in the community. Also, out of the 6 people in my class (all girls, incidentally), 3 of us are from the U.S. -- but the other two are more of your "stereotypical" American: Caucasians with light-brown hair, from culturally "American" backgrounds (what that really means, I don't know, but I know that I'm not a part of it). There really are practically no Asians here (that I've seen, anyway).

Something else interesting:: our Conversation homework for the weekend is to read an article on "El Primer Amor" (First Love). We'll be discussing it in class on Monday (sigh). How interestingly timed this is. I think God is up to something. :P

Probably no internet for me until Monday. Have a great weekend, everyone!

Things that I think certain ones of you will find interesting (I've been finding music everywhere! :-D)::
- While in Hamburg and walking through a flea market, Theo came across a CD which I couldn't resist buying (a 2-CD set, only for 10 Euros): "The Johann Strauss Collection: Waltzes and Polkas from Vienna." (!!!)
- A close second (to seeing Sleeping Beauty) for "Highlight of the Germany Trip" was visiting a museum in Hamburg (Theo went to a different one because we were interested in different stuff) where they had two big rooms full of old pianos and keyboards, illustrating the evolution of the piano -- it was SOOO cool! And they had a couple glass displays of other instruments, too, such as old guitars (8 strings), a mandolin (10 strings, with 5 sets of 2), a cello-sized string bass with 7 strings (weird!), clarinets that had the curvature of a quarter-circle, and a really fascinating 6-stringed instrument that I can't describe here and will need to draw for you guys when I get back. The best thing is that I went on a weekday, so there was practically no one there and I was by myself in the big rooms (one on each of the first two floors). The first keyboards only had 3.5 octaves! From the low E (2 below middle C; our basses sing lower than that!) to the soprano high C. Wow, I could go on about this forever too, but I'll proceed with the rest of my list...
- The first evening I visited La Plaza Mayor here in Madrid, there was a music group playing a pretty waltz in the courtyard, but I had no one to waltz with -- how sad! I do, however, plan to teach the girls how to dance (yay for knowing how to lead!).
- Accordions abound in Europe! I saw several accordion players in Germany, and even more here in Madrid. My favorite was when we saw a guy playing the accordion in the Metro station where we get off for school, and guess what he was playing -- The Blue Danube! Yes, I took a picture (hee hee).
- The second time I was in La Plaza Mayor, we heard a string quartet playing the Eine Kleine! Actually, since it's such a big courtyard, we spent several minutes trying to figure out if it was a live quartet, but eventually we found them. Yay! Well, it was a "quartet": two violins, a string bass, a keyboard?, and a fifth guy just sort of standing around. They were quite good, though, and I stayed long enough to hear them play Bach's Air on G String too (typical corny quartet music, I know, but I love it!).

Things about Madrid that are amusing/interesting/annoying::
- Their paper is size A-4. That's roughly 8.25" x 11.5". That means it doesn't quite fit into my binder. Boo.
- So many people smoke! (In Germany, too.) Boo to smoking. I'm the only person in my apartment who doesn't smoke (and drink), but fortunately they do it in moderation. Still, though, I'm not used to having to deal with it.
- My classes run from 9:30am to 2:30pm, in five 55-minute blocks -- the first two are Grammar, the third and fourth are Conversation, and the fifth is Culture. This means that I'm usually fairly hungry by the time I leave the school, but I'm more or less adjusted to the eating schedule here now. Lunch is between 2:00-4:00, and dinner is between 9:00-11:00. All shops and offices close from roughly 2:00-5:00 for lunch, and re-open for several hours in the evening -- which means that there are 4 rush hours!

Recent happenings for me personally::
- I got to talk to my mom and dad for a long time on Tuesday night! Yay!
- I received a letter from Graham on Tuesday, too! Mail = fun! And thanks for all of your (real) emails, everyone!
- I've been reading The Case For Faith (which I started on my flight out of SFO). I'm almost done now, and I plan to read it a second time to make sure I buy all of it. I'll write more about it later, but let's just say that I'm very impressed with Lee Strobel. I'm much better off having read his two Case books. I highly recommend them to anyone up for a lot of challenging thinking and learning.
- I got an email from Matt (in response to one I wrote him) for the first time in a really, really long time. Including but not stemming from that, I've had a lot of things on my mind that confirm a realization I had before I left for Spain -- a theme for the growth that God has in mind for me right now.
- There's some sort of "Intercambio" party happening tonight (and every Thursday) and I think Reena will be going with Leticia and Rafaela, but I think I'll pass. :P Not my sort of event, and I'd much rather keep getting good nights of sleep. And also, sadly, making new friends in Spain not really on my list of priorities. There are a lot more valuable ways to spend my time.
- That reminds me -- it turns out that Leticia and Rafaela will still be staying in Madrid, even though they're moving out of the apartment! They'll be taking classes at a university here and staying through June or July, which means they'll be here for the whole time that Reena and I are here. They have to move out of Julia's because they're done with classes at Enforex, but they've found a place to rent that's pretty close by. Yay! I really like them, and I'm glad they'll still be around.

Ha ha ha. Well, the "Museo de la Ciudad" turned out to be a walking tour of the city, not a museum. Since Reena and I had already been to some of the places they were bringing us to, we decided to ditch the group after about an hour and a half, and went to explore a little bit ourselves instead and then ran some errands (buying our abono (monthly Metro pass), which she for the life of her could not remember how to pronounce; "ambos?" - "alonos?" - hee hee) and stopped for ice cream. The weather was beautiful yesterday, but in general it's still transitioning from winter to spring. I'm taking pretty pictures. :)

It occurred to me that this blog is quite useful for communicating with you all while I'm on the other side of the world. And that's really what my blog started out as:: a mode of communication. I have to admit that I'm glad I started my blog before the phenomenal epidemic swept the online world; I didn't (and still don't) feel the need to justify my blog's birth or existence. Sometimes I feel like people overdramatize blogging (sorry, Eric; with all due respect ;-) ). I have principles that I hold for living my life in general -- why should blogging be any different? It's not a terribly big deal. As I've told people before, I like how the blog allows so many different levels of communication: for those to whom I haven't spoken much since high school, they can read my blog and learn what I'm doing on a larger level, such as that I sing and I dance now (I have to remind myself I've only been doing both for a year and a half); for friends to whom I'm close now but perhaps only in a particular slice of my life, they can read this and see more of who I am as a whole person; and for those whom I talk to and hang out with regularly (like Justin, who's probably still my most faithful reader ;-) ) they can read this and see a whole other layer of nuances that only my close friends would pick up on. I like how the blog is 3-dimensional that way. And right now it's serving its most basic function. :)

Classes today were so much better than yesterday. Yesterday, I was quite struggling. I'd missed the Grammar class on Monday, since I was taking the placement test, so it was hard to catch up on the current lesson. Evidently, on paper, I appear to remember mostly everything I learned in AP Spanish, but when it comes to speaking in real time, my brain just can't crank it out that fast yet! I think I would be fine with it all if I didn't have 3 years of peaceful rest for my Spanish. :P Anyway, I seem to be a bit disparate in my mastery of various things in the Grammar class; the lesson on "Indirect Style" has been difficult, but I already know most of the new verbs we're learning. Yesterday, I had to jump headfirst into the current exercise: reading a letter than a man wrote to his wife, but doing so by narrating it from a third-person point of view as a story that had already happened -- which meant changing all of the verbs and pronouns, on the spot! Aiya. Era muy dificil. (I can't figure out how to make accents on the Spanish keyboards.) And my Conversation class -- oy! It's like IHUM discussion, but in Spanish!! I'm so not kidding. We're talking about stuff that would be difficult for me to talk about even in English -- on the first day, we discussed self-esteem, and how we can use fantasy to help us actualize things in reality, and now we've been discussing an article in which the author is mocking the use of English words within the Spanish language (appearances of Spanglish, in a sense, except from the Spanish context it's sort of a corruption of the language's authenticity and an indication of English having too much of an influence on prestige). I'm definitely learning a lot here, and being challenged in ways that I hadn't expected. My culture class has been interesting and eye-opening, too. I'm glad I'm here for so many weeks, because I'll be able to immerse myself more fully into these different perspectives.

Oop -- time's up. Bye for now. :)

Happy Birthday, Debora Lee!

(Off to El Museo de la Ciudad with the school this afternoon. By the way, since Spanish Summer Time began on Sunday, we're now 10 hours ahead of California (until whenever Daylight Savings begins/ends; I never keep track).)