* tiny but powerful *

¡Buenos dias! I'm writing from the computer cluster at my language school, and I have a time limit, so this will probably be fairly short (since it took me awhile to sort through a week's worth of email). I just finished my first day of classes here at Enforex. The classes are small (for grammar and conversation, only 6 of us, and for the culture class today only had two) and everyone is very friendly. My host mother is incredibly warm and hospitable and super-talkative (as most madrileños are), and there are three other girls staying in the apartment with me. Two are students from Brazil who have one week left at Enforex, and the third is an Indian girl from Manchester, England (who would've been my roommate had the host mother not decided to give us separate rooms, and she looks so much like Shaila that I think they could be long-lost sisters!). The four of us get along wonderfully and it's been fun to hang out out with them; yesterday, Leticia and Rafaela showed me and Reena around the center of town for awhile in the evening. I have a running list of places I want to revisit on my own when I have more time and when the weather is better (it rained a bit yesterday). So my housing situation has turned out much more wonderfully than I had expected. I'm slowly learning to use the Metro, and Madrid is a beautiful city. I spent most of this past weekend resting from my Germany travels and adjusting my body clock to the Spanish eating schedule. Speaking of which, I've decided that it would be silly to try to catch up on everything each time I have a chance to post, so instead you'll get snippets of whatever is most recent. In general, Germany was a lot of fun: Theo was a great travel partner, it was good to see Megan (she stayed in Berlin longer than initially planned), and all of my flights went smoothly. In summary: Hamburg was quaint and pretty, Berlin was big and exciting, and the highlight of my trip by far was seeing the Sleeping Beauty ballet at the opera house in Berlin on my last night there. I could squeal about it for many paragraphs, but I will refrain. Anyway, upon arriving in Spain, it was a great relief to be able to understand the signs around me and know that I could get places if I needed to (it was interesting being so dependent on Theo and Megan in Germany). My listening comprehension skills ramped up more quickly than I expected, and my speaking is slowly coming back, too (it's difficult since I haven't had any Spanish since AP, and even then my written skills were stronger than my oral ones). This morning, I got placed into Intermedio II, which is challenging (especially the conversation hours) but I think I'm in the right level. Unfortunately, I need to end here. Until next time! It won't be as long. :)

Well, it's been quite a day, and I still have a lot to do before I leave. Sadly, I don't have time to see Shaila tonight. :( Thanks for thinking of me, though, Shai!

It took us past noon to finish moving and cleaning, but that was okay because the Mirrielees Housing Office was empty and just had a sign directing people to drop off keys through the door slot. It's amazing how many people were moving out for next quarter. I guess that's what happens when you have a building full of the junior class. After finally clearing out, I went to drop off some last-minute Tmony stuff with Chi-En, and bequeathed upon her some stuffed animals for babysitting while I'm gone. She'll be taking care of Woof (who looks absolutely ADORABLE hanging out with Plop, her stuffed dog; they look like long-lost best friends!), and I left three others for her to pass on to Kari, Justin, and Eric for me. I won't say which ones here, so they'll be surprised when they go back to campus. ;) Graham has taken custody of "Thump the Acrobatic Pig" (whom I just call "Piggy"; poor thing is going to have an identity crisis when I get back). Then, after having a late lunch with my parents, I headed over to Borders on University to look for an appropriate Spanish dictionary and Madrid guidebook. I really enjoy bookstores; I don't go to them often enough. I hadn't been to this particular Borders since four summers ago when I was at Stanford for SUMaC (a summer math program). I spent a glorious hour or so just browsing through various things that caught my eye, not even trying to fulfill my purpose for going to there in the first place. That was really nice. I didn't end up getting any new (non-Spanish-related) reading material, since I have plenty to bring along with me for now (I'm actually going to read! *gasp*! I'm quite looking forward to it, in fact), but it was a welcome pleasure to browse and just absorb the atmosphere.

This will be my last post before I go. My flight leaves SFO at 2:55pm tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to the Berlin part of my trip. All the overseas Stanford people from different European locations are at Berlin for an undergraduate student conference, and I'm arriving right after they finish their last day. That means that Erin, Ssonia, and Megan will all still be in Berlin when I get there! Erin flies back to Florence several hours after I get in, Ssonia will traveling to Prague, and Megan will be returning to the U.S. the next day, but I'll get to see them at least briefly (I think some of them might be trying to go with Theo to meet me at the airport). I'm so excited! Especially since it looks like Erin may not be able to visit me in Spain after all. Anyway, Theo and I will be visiting Hamburg from the 25-26th, and spending the rest of the time in and around Berlin. Then I fly from Berlin to Madrid on the 28th. (I just realized that this is all evident from my "important dates" calendar to the left. Oh well.) I have no idea what my stay in Spain is going to be like, and naturally there are the usual fears about being in a completely foreign place, but in all honesty I know that it'll be good for me to be really, truly alone for such a long period of time.

I'm not sure what my internet connection availability is going to be like in Madrid, but I'll try to post here periodically and maybe even send out a couple mass emails. My main goal is to send postcards, because those are infinitely cooler than mere emails. :) I'd be super excited if you guys write to me, though, because it's exciting to have real mail (electronic or otherwise) when you check for it!

This is it! I'm really going!

"I thank my God every time I remember you." - Philippians 1:3

I just said goodbye to my last fellow Core member. I know I'm not going to be gone nearly as long as Bryan is, but goodbyes have been hard (after it started sinking in that I'm really leaving), and I'm going to miss Bryan so much! Six months this time (he's likely spending the summer in Germany), whereas before it was three months at most. It'll be so weird not seeing him for so long. Felix, Steve, Chris, Brian, Karl, and Graham all also came over and/or called to say goodbye yesterday (except I missed Brian, while I was in the shower... *sniff* - thanks Brian, and I'm sorry!).

Regarding life in general, I'm one big ball of confusion. I'm ready for some God-directed figuring out. Sigh.

My parents will be here soon to help me move out. I'll be turning in my key by noon, and then I'll be home for one short day before I fly out tomorrow. I won't make a goodbye post just yet, so that's all for now.

Eric came down to say goodbye to me, about an hour ago. I gave him a quick backrub before he left to meet his airport shuttle (since I fell asleep last night before he was ready to receive one). Just a few minutes ago, though, I saw the envelope that he'd handed me after I opened the door for him. I had gotten distracted by the last few minutes we spent together and forgotten about the envelope. So I just read the letter it contained. My eyes are not dry anymore. But they're good tears.

Ah, yes. Please email me your mailing address if you would like a postcard!

I'm breaking my fast, but I'm going to stay light on food until tonight as the rest of my church finishes the 48 hours.

Oh, yeah. The Genentech interview went well, I think. It wasn't as stressful because I'd spoken to both the people on the phone already. It seems like a really cool place to work, and I could learn a lot from the project I'd be assigned to. They said they'd be getting back to me within a week or two, so I guess we'll have to communicate through email while I'm in Europe.

After the interview, it occurred to me as I was driving back down 101 that I could stop by Applied Biosystems to say hi to my old coworkers. So I did! I called Bob 10 minutes ahead of time, and everyone was happy to have me stop by. I saw Michi for the first time since her knee surgery last fall! And it was good to chat with Bob, Lori, Paul, and Ines, too. I really wouldn't mind going back there for a third summer, if the Genentech thing doesn't work out. I love the people and I'm so familiar with the company.

Lots to do today, so off I go. I made significant process on apartment cleaning last night, thanks to help from my mom. She came over to bring me boxes and suitcases for packing, and then stayed to help me with the dishes as I took out ALL the trash and recycling (of which there was a ton, and it took an exceedingly long time). Thank you Mommy, you're wonderful!

The war? I don't know. I don't know enough to have an informed opinion. All I know is that I just don't think there's a strong enough case in either direction for any common person to be justified in saying the other one is completely wrong. I wish that war were unnecessary, but I'm in no position to say whether or not it is, and as long as it's going to be happening anyway, the best thing I can do is pray -- pray for there to be as little suffering as possible, and for the restoration of both peace and safety as quickly as possible. I'm pretty sure that the combination of those two is what everybody wants.

(By the way, I liked what Eric wrote in this post from over a month ago (especially the last paragraph).)

I will my joining my church, The River, in a 48-hour fast, marked by the beginning of the war. Actually, I'll be giving myself an optional "out" at the 36-hour mark, because I'm not sure it would be the most responsible thing to put my physical health on the line right before I leave the country for so long, so we'll see how I feel on Friday morning. At least my finals are over, because on the same reasoning, I wouldn't have been able to participate if I weren't done with exams.

But as for me, when they were sick, I wore sackcloth;
I afflicted myself with fasting. I prayed with head bowed on my bosom,
as though I grieved for a friend or a brother;
I went about as one who laments for a mother,
bowed down and in mourning.
- Psalm 35:13-14

Whoop, well there it's been scheduled. I'll be meeting the Genentech people tomorrow morning at 9:00am. Everything's going so fast!

I slept a bit, but I'm still pretty exhausted. It hasn't quite hit me yet that I'm really done. People are starting to leave, too...Justin and Kari leave tomorrow. Goodbyes are sad. :(

I received an email from the Genentech people asking to set up an in-person interview for either Thursday or Friday, before I leave. This is good, but scary too because I've never been through a real interview before.

Mass cleaning and packing and errand-running shall commence tonight. Whoo boy.

Ugh.

Before you tell me to just be happy I'm done, give me a while to live out my reaction to it all, okay? Thanks. I'll get there whether or not I'm told to.

Current Music:: Big Daddy Weave - "Audience of One"

"I come on my knees
To lay down before you
Bringing all that I am
Longing only to know you
Seeking your face
And not only your hand
I find you embracing me
Just as I am

And I lift these songs to You and You alone
As I sing to You in my praises make Your home

To my audience of one
You are Father and You are Son
As Your Spirit flows free
Let it find within me
A heart that beats to praise You
And now just to know You more
Has become my great reward
To see Your kingdom come
And Your will be done
I only desire to be Yours, Lord

So what could I bring
To honor Your majesty
What song could I sing
To impress the heart of royalty
When all that I have
Is the life that You've given me
So Lord let me live for You
This song with humility

And Lord as the love song of my life is played
I have one desire: to bring glory to Your name."

I'm working on it. This is my prayer. I know my life is at a crossroads.

The whole world is at a crossroads. I haven't had enough time to think about it or inform myself sufficiently about what is going on. Some principles are always true, though, and for those I will pray.

Oh, it is such a beautiful day. God makes me smile. :)

Yay for girl friends, too. And Moo. Moo is just Moo. What would I do without you guys.

...
TPiglette (12:50:41 AM): that this is probably one of those pains that's good for me
JuKa828 (12:50:59 AM): mmm
JuKa828 (12:51:04 AM): i hate pains that are good for me
TPiglette (12:51:12 AM): yeah

Yay for the Testimony boys on the third floor, who give me hugs when I need it and who make me laugh despite my blahness. Tonight was one of those times. Thank you (all three).

This second phone interview was less scary than the first one. He was easier to talk to, and I guess I had ample notice about it (I had no idea who the other lady really was when she called). The guy also seemed nervous himself, because he said it was his first time really interviewing anyone. So that wasn't bad. Now I get to wait and see if I make the next round for in-person interviews.

Well, there goes Final #2. As always, I had memorization-black-out problems -- blarg. But whatever -- I just needed this class for the stupid GER Area 4 requirement, so as long as I pass the class I'm not going to dwell on it. As much as I studied for it, I was bound to forget stuff, because I didn't keep up along the way (the misfortune of having class immediately preceding Fluid Mechanics on the days that problem sets were due). Oh and no, I'm not out early; the exam ran from 3:30-4:45 (the length of a normal class period). Whatever... I have more pressing things to concentrate on now: namely, my impending phone interview, and my last final on Wednesday morning.

One down. Two to go (for now).

I'm nearly done with the take-home. Wow. I'm so productive when I work elsewhere. Particularly considering it's fairly stressful to be here in the apartment lately, in addition to the usual multitudes of things that can grab my attention.

I think I'm actually going to be able to start studying for HumSex tonight. Wow. I'd even consider going to 11:00 service tomorrow morning (the take-home is actually due by 10:00am), if it didn't take so long to get to San Jose. I think I'll actually sleep a bunch, too.

A couple hours ago, I got a call from someone at Genentech about the possibility a summer internship. The lady ended up asking me questions about chromatography and purification, though, which made me feel stupid because it was vaguely stuff from Chem36 last spring that I don't remember very well. Then again, she also asked me, "Do you know what a protein is?" and I couldn't figure out if that was some sort of trick question. Anyway, the selection process is supposed to take place over the next couple weeks, but since I'm leaving the country next weekend, the lady said she'd try to speed up the process for me. I'm scheduled for another phone interview with someone else in her group on Monday at 6:00pm (after my HumSex final). I think I better do some research on protein characterization before then (as if I have extra time right now). At least they were interested enough in me to make the first round of potential interns, though. I'm just scared that I could look better on paper than I come across in real life. It's nice that my summer possibilities are starting to shape up. Someone from Medtronic contacted me last month, but due to an irresponsible mixup with the CDC (on their part) I never got put on the interview schedule, so the Medtronic contact said she'd try to circulate my resume in hopes someone would want to phone interview me. Applied Biosystems (both the intern coordinator, and my supervisor for the last two summers) has contacted me saying that if I want to go back there for a third summer, they'd be happy to have me. So at the very least, as a backup, I have the option of working there again, which is really nice because it pays well, the commute isn't terrible, and I know and like the people there. The only reason I wouldn't is that it doesn't really support my career path (what career path? Good question, but after two summers at AB I didn't feel drawn to that type of work and it's probably better to try something new. Then again, I haven't felt drawn to anything, period), but it's not like it's not still valuable as scientific work experience.

On a completely unrelated note, I heard a new song on the radio today that I've completely fallen in love with: "Audience of One" by Big Daddy Weave (an odd name, I agree). It's such an awesome waltz!! As I was listening, I had the inspiration to choreograph something for it, for the group of us Tmony dancers and maybe other friends from fellowship. Like, a praise dance, or something. But oh goodness, I love this song! I really want to dance to it!

As lengthy as this take-home portion of the Thermo final is, it's less scary than the in-class closed-book part was this morning. That sucked. I kept getting all my equations mixed up. I just can't memorize things like I used to. Now at least I can look them up. No church for me tomorrow, though. :(

The ability to turn emotions off would be really useful right about now.

I am sick of Thermo. This is not good, seeing as I still have stuff to review before tomorrow's final. Blah.

I stopped by Jammix for the last 20 minutes as a study break. The idea of dancing was good in theory, but I went mainly to say goodbye to the people I only see at dance stuff. In particular, I wanted to make sure to see Jeremy before I leave (he's also busy traveling around these couple months). I miss my Opening partners. I ran into Justin Svec on the way to Bio this morning, which was nice because I hadn't seen him since Viennese. Anyway, so tonight I danced a zweifacher (the first dance after I arrived) with Jeremy, then half a swing with Kristin (me leading), the other half of the swing with Kari (her leading; she and Justin cut in on me and Kristin), a hustle with Eric Liu (to the hamster polka...we were remarking on how bouncy the dance floor was from the frantic polka-ers around us), a swing with Justin (Moo), the cross-step mixer (me leading), and a cross-step with Brian (me leading again; I can rarely get him to lead nowadays). I was left partnerless for most of the last waltz until I found Chi-En in a corner (during the part where everyone redowas), so I finished the last 30 seconds leading her in the waltz. The one dance I'd truly intended to dance lead, though, was the cross-step mixer (a guy asked me if he could follow), so I'm glad I managed to hang onto the lead this time around (which didn't so much happen last time). But yeah, as you can see, I almost danced lead more than follow tonight, which isn't exactly what I'd had in mind, but whatever. At least I probably improved my blood circulation after hours of sitting and staring at a textbook.

I should know better, that I'm always stressed during finals and that just makes me super sensitive to everything. Blah.

Busy day today. Bio lecture 11:00-12:15, lunch with my dad, skipping dance classes (sigh) to study Thermo, Tmony "rehearsal"/meeting 4:00-6:00, Bio review session 6:00-8:00, then more Thermo studying. Have fun at Jammix, everyone.

I think I've actually just finished the last assignment I'm required to turn in this quarter. Not to say that there aren't other problems I should be working on (either just for studying purposes, or for late partial credit), but I think I'm actually done with everything that I have to turn in. Wow. And it's not even midnight yet.

I also have some news::

1) I've decided to take an Incomplete in ChemE120A and do the take-home final at a later time. I decided that this would be wise, in light of the catching up I need to do for my HumSex and Biology finals. This means that my last final is next Wednesday morning, which gives me more time to pack, move out, and say goodbye to people.

2) I have succeeded in changing Testimony's Spring Show date to Friday, May 16, 2003 (previously scheduled for May 10). This means that our dress rehearsal no longer conflicts with Big Dance. Yay! (I kept this development quiet for awhile because I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up in case it didn't work out, but as it turned out, the Mendicants moved their Spring Show off of May 16 *and* no one in Tmony has conflicts with the new date, so everything fell nicely into place.)

3) I have finalized my Spring Break plans. I will be flying out of SFO on Mar. 23 (just 10 days away...yikes), and arriving in Berlin on Mar. 24, where I will be meeting up with Theo -- we'll be traveling around Germany for 4 days (specific details are up to him) before he flies home (to return to Stanford for spring quarter). Unfortunately, I will be leaving Berlin before Bryan and Kris arrive there for spring quarter. Also unfortunately, it looks like I will be unable to visit Erin in Florence during the two days I have free before I need to be in Madrid (the Florence flights just didn't work out). So I'll be arriving in Madrid on Mar. 28, three days before my language program starts, instead of just one, which may actually be better since I'll have more time to settle into my homestay and recover from all the traveling.

4) Welcome to Chi-En and Justin, who are the new members on Testimony's Interim Core while Bryan and I are out of the country. Chi-En will also be assuming interim directorship. We had a joint Core meeting (all six of us) last night to "pass the torch," so to speak. (I took pictures, which I will post..."shortly" would be a lie, so just know that I have them and you'll see them at some point.) This transition period has had its difficulties, but I think they've all been purposeful 'growing pains'. Testimony could use prayer for a smooth transition in leadership (and membership, for that matter). I know God has great things in store for Testimony for the coming quarter. :)

(I have no idea why I blogged so much today.)

For the last hour and a half, I was suddenly feeling VERY female, up in Phil's room. There were the 3 boys in our ChemE Family, plus Phil's roommate and two of their drawmates, all in the common room watching the Stanford-USC basketball game. I was pretty much sitting in the middle of all of them, since it made sense for me on the side of the table closest to the TV (and thus facing away from the TV). Six boys watching basketball is very, very LOUD. Seriously. Especially since Stanford was in the process of losing to USC. Did I say that it was loud?

We're done with those extra two problems. Now onto Part III of that dratted increasingly-complicated computer spreadsheet problem. Yes, we have 110 homework due tomorrow even though our final is Saturday morning at 10:30am (with a take-home portion due Sunday morning at 10:30am). Does that sound wrong to you?

I REALLY wish I'd had my camera in 120A today. Instead I shall have to settle for blogging to preserve the memories. This afternoon was our last Fluid Mechanics class. Our project of the day was a group competition -- designing the Alaskan Pipeline using our best engineering judgment. Channing had shown us a slideshow about various trivia on how the Pipeline was designed. Our task was to estimate (to the best our ability given roughly 40 minutes) how much horsepower per pump was needed to transport 2 million barrels per day of oil, through the whole length of the pipeline, and calculate how many barrels of oil would be consumed in the process (to power the pumps). We were assigned into groups of about four, and we were allowed about 10 minutes at the beginning of class to ask all the relevant questions we could think of (how wide is the pipe, what's the viscosity of oil, how many valves are there along the way that contribute to friction, how many pumps are at each station, etc. etc.), and then we had to use our best judgment to estimate everything else we needed. They brought us snacks and drinks to munch on during the game, which was a nice surprise. The team names people came up with were hilarious:: The Friction Factors, The Goons, The Eulers, The Asians, The Pipelayers, Maja's Mafia (my team: me, Karl, Carmen, and Maja), and a lovely illustration of "The Followers" that included Channing's current outfit (you'll see why in the next paragraph) with three duckling-looking creatures trailing behind him. Our team actually did pretty well! We calculated that each pump needed to be 18400 hp, and that there would be 7700 barrels of oil consumed per day. The real answer (as in, what was actually used in the real pipeline!) was ~13500 hp, and ~5000 barrels/day. Only four teams came within reasonable proximity to the real answer, and we were one of them! It was exciting at the end, when we were running out of time and I was the one converting units up the wazoo. (I have gotten incredibly sick of unit conversions over the past week, let me tell you.)

The biggest reason I wished I'd had my camera, though, was Channing's getup -- Shelley and Robert brought him a "surprise" for our last class together (his last time teaching Fluid Mechanics, especially!): an inside-out Burger King crown with "THE GURU" (his favorite name for himself) written on the front, and "GOON" (his favorite name to call non-ChemE people) written on the back; and a red sheet with a paper sign on the back that looked like the Superman S except it was a "G" instead, to wear as a cape. It was HILARIOUS. He wore it through the whole class period, too. I'm so sad I didn't have my camera to capture the moment!!

So, much to my surprise, I actually had fun in class today. Moreover, I actually felt like I was contributing well to my team and I didn't feel like people had to pull my weight, which is often what I feel like when we work on problem sets in a group. It was nice that the whole Alaskan Pipeline problem had to do with the recent material on macroscopic balances, so I actually felt like I had a good grasp on the material. I can't tell you how rare that is nowadays.

That was a pleasant afternoon. Unfortunately, now the problem set marathon continues.

Due to a collective misunderstanding of the revised syllabus, our ChemE group left out two problems from Tuesday's 110 set. Luckily, our professor is letting us do them for credit if we turn them in tomorrow. On the other hand, this means even more problems for the week. Speaking of which, I need to finish the 120A... Back to the gauntlet.

Dead Week midnight = primal scream. One of those weird Stanford traditions. I always forget about it until I hear it (in tonight's case, on my walk home from Castano).

We worked for 4.5 straight hours on the last ChemE120A problem set EVER. Well, for them, anyway. I'm still hoping to get some late partial credit on last week's set, since I missed working on it with the Family and when I tried to do it on my extension time I was horribly lost. Working with other people cuts down worktime by a huge factor. Tonight I was understanding this problem set WAY more than I've been understanding a lot of stuff all quarter. My theory is that it's because we're on macroscopic system balances now...stuff that I can have an intuitive sense for. I've still got the last problem (out of 5) to finish, since the group was ahead of me by one problem by the time I arrived. Tonight, it was our usual family + cousin (Brooke). One more night of problem-setting left... the Thermo computer spreadsheet problem due Friday (thankfully, our professor had mercy on us and isn't requiring the book problems (originally also due Friday) to be turned in for grading).

Tonight's quotes, for your viewing pleasure (well okay, mine, really)::
- "Did you get 6.72?" - Karl
    "Yes." - Felix
    "Really?" - Karl, glancing over at Felix's paper
    "Well, I know it doesn't look like 6.72 because it says 22.1 ... " - Felix
- "I REALLY DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH INCHES!!!" - Phil
    "Phil... six inches is half a foot." - Karl
    "Oh. ...that was about to be the last straw." - Phil
- "We're just having so fun!" - Karl
- "That was fun, guys. Fungi. Hahahaha." - Karl

*I wish there was a way to quote some of the stuff we were singing/humming tonight. It was really very amusing.

Clearly, we are tired.

End-of-Quarter Showing was fun. Lots of different kinds of dance: modern, African, Latin, Swing (us), ballet, and hip hop. I had friends in each one. Jeff and I danced decently (I hope, since we were right in the front). Bryan was in the Hip Hop performance - yay Bryan! I want to learn more Hip Hop (Kari...?). ;)

We have a working bathroom light again! Yay! Now we can close the door without being thrown into complete darkness!

I would write more here, except that my thoughts now revolve around the list of things I need to get done. You wouldn't want to hear it.

Tomorrow night's performance with my Swing class at the Dance Dept. End-of-Quarter Showing (I'll be dancing with Jeff Lee) will probably be my last dancing before I leave (except for maybe class on Wed. or Fri., which realistically may not happen). (Read: I will not be at Jammix on Friday.)

Happy Birthday, Shaila!!
As I say every year...yay for '83! We stick by each other. ;)

Weary.

I miss violin. A lot. This is bad.

Janet is taking a study break and playing the Mozart Violin Concerto No. 5 in the other room, which Theo played our senior year of high school for the Concerto Concert. So now, in addition to missing SSO after our fun dinner together tonight, I miss CV Orchestras too. Sigh.

Karl and Susie are working on a Mozart violin/viola duet, and they're looking for a small chamber group to accompany them (Karl's right; piano accompaniment just wouldn't do Mozart justice). Everyone tonight at dinner was totally up for it. I really want to do it, but I'm not sure I'm going to be back from Spain early enough to practice enough with them, because he says the performance will be sometime in May. I miss chamber music sooo much.

I should work on the Mendelssohn again.

Well, I am certainly glad that's over.

The Testimony show last night at Mountain View Chinese Christian Church had its goods and its bads. I think that was by far the most stressful show I have been through. We weren't as prepared musically for this show as we were for Christmas Show (by virtue of not imposing "hell week" rehearsals), so from a directing standpoint that was a bit worrisome. Mostly, though, it was the anxiety about giving my testimony. I was really a nervous wreck about it, since I'd only just finished writing it a couple hours before the show (thanks to all the unexpected obstacles in the past week...sigh; it took me all day yesterday) and that meant I was nowhere near having it memorized. The good thing about being director, though, is that it took my mind off the testimony (until the last 2 measures of the last song before it) because my brain was busy trying to listen for group pitch, keep tempo with one hand, signal dynamics with the other, and remember the soprano part for the songs where I was supposed to be a soprano. :P I guess my testimony went okay; I had to look down at my paper a lot, but at least my voice didn't sound like I was about to cry, which is what my speeches in high school were like. If you're interested in reading my testimony (better than hearing me speak it), I've put it on my webspace here.

Musically, the show went decently (on average). The first half was definitely better than the second half. I think we were getting tired, since we're not used to singing a whole show's worth of songs without having breaks for skits. We debuted 2 new songs last night: Step By Step (Kari's arrangement) and God Will Make A Way. Step By Step went very well (it was in the first half, right before the testimony). GWMAW went alright, but it was uncharacteristically weak (it was in the second half, right after the testimony). Despite some rockiness toward the end of the show, though, the audience still seemed to enjoy everything, so that was good. All in all, I think the night went well.

After the show, a small group of us stopped by Gavan's place for his post-dinner birthday gathering. It was pretty low-key; we had some interesting cheese discussions. ;) Then after I returned to campus, I stopped by the Opening party in Kimball, which was also pretty low-key. We ate chips & salsa and watched my dad's video of our real Viennese performance (and laughed at ourselves). I was sort of passing out after about an hour, though, so Kari interrupted my half-conscious reverie (enjoying the cross-step music that was playing) to make me leave for bed.

This morning at church was quite notable. I knew it was going to be interesting when the first 'God-shaping principle' Keith was teaching about said this:

"Following God's leadings does not guarantee smooth sailing. In fact, often following God will lead you into turbulent waters. God does this to continue to shape your character and build your trust in God."

Sound familiar? (That might make more sense if you've read my testimony.)
Interesting timing, don't you think? And the rest of the message (Part 3, on Moses) had to do with spiritual leadership. I'm inclined not to think this was all a coincidence.

Kids Community this morning was also really great. I was SO tired from last night, but the kids actually energized me over the course of the two hours. I'm sad that that was the last time I'll see the kids for about two months. I'm going to miss them. :( They're so great. Today Julia was being especially cute. She read me a storybook all by herself, and then decided she wanted to braid my hair. So for awhile I had two pigtails, until she decided she wanted to redo one of them, then wasn't satisfied with the other one, then gave up entirely and just played with my hair for awhile by brushing through it with her fingers. It felt really nice -- I'd forgotten how nice it is to have your hair played with. I'm also convinced (as Emily pointed out freshman year) that boys inherently don't know how to play with hair. ;) I remember the night that she sat Chris Wallis down in The Chair and plopped down in front of him and proceeded to teach him how to play with girls' hair so that it feels nice. Emily cracks me up. ;)

Boo. I need to get stuff done now. I have problem sets due tomorrow (including the one I got an extension for after my accident). Boo to problem sets. I can't believe it's already Dead Week! Sigh. :-/

Tonight, though, I'll be going out to dinner with the group I hung out with on the SSO Tour last summer -- a reunion! We had to plan ahead by a whole month in order to find a date all six of us were free. It'll be good to have us all together again: me, Scott, Karl, Quention, Michelle, and Liz. Yay for 2nd Violins and Violas! ;) I hope I don't come back too nostalgic for orchestra...

[PS: Quotes have been updated.]

Happy Birthday, Gavan!
You're an awesome older bro. ;) May God bless you and grow you amazingly in the coming year!

God is good.

Now I just need to write about it.

Dinner date, and Friday Night Waltz tonight. :) Oh, and lots and lots of thinking.

I need to stop having these long late-night conversations upstairs in Eric's room. And I would, if they weren't of pressing spiritual importance. Gah. (Sidenote: Eric and Bryan have both lived "upstairs" from me for 3 years. Funny.)

Ha ha ha. On the way walking to class this afternoon, I finally figured out why my upper arms/shoulders are sore (because I really didn't understand why, this morning) -- I had my backpack on when I fell! Duh. :P

Walking around campus this afternoon was so nice. Sunny and breezy and warm and beautiful. :) I got a Jamba Juice between classes and went to sit in the Quad to resume my (recently halted) reading of The Sacred Romance for a short but glorious 20 minutes. I read some of it last night too, before bed. I'm probably still behind the rest of my Bible study, but I'm looking forward to what may be my last meeting with them, tonight.

Mmrmrm. Sore today. And thankful. :)

I missed my 8:35 class this morning, because when I woke up I didn't feel up to making the walk across campus just yet (since, obviously, I no longer have a working bike). By now I've completed the slow process of getting out of bed and stretching out. They were right when they said I'd wake up more sore and in more places today, but it doesn't even compare to the back pain from last quarter, so it's all good. :) Yogurt sounds good right about now. ;)

Another beautiful day! :o)

So, um... I got hit by a car today. Well, rather, my bike got hit by a car, and then my bike ran into Felix's bike and I fell off my bike onto the street. I'm okay now, though, so don't worry.

The story is as follows::
Felix and I were biking back from the 120A problem session (class let out early) on Serra St., and we were crossing a crosswalk area when a car turning left from the other side of the street evidently didn't see us and made the turn toward the parking lot (which was on our right). I tried to swerve to avoid him, but he was cruising through the turn at a normal speed, and Felix was on my right so I couldn't go very far. Luckily my bike was slightly ahead of the car, so when my bike got hit I ran into Felix and fell off the right side and ended up ahead of the car. So I never actually made contact with the car. This all happened at roughly 4:45, I think. When I fell, though, my chin hit the pavement first, and I also broke the fall with my right hand. People swarmed around pretty quickly and told me not to move, and the whole thing was pretty scary because my whole jaw was numb and sore and people kept telling me not to move my neck. Felix called 911 and the ambulance came and did all their ambulance-y stuff: a whole crew of guys asked me a million questions ("What day is it?" - "Who's the president?" - "What day is it?" - "Where are you?" - "What day is it?" - they kept asking what day it was, for some reason) and as a precaution they strapped me to the hardboard and taped my forehead down and everything. It was kind of scary because I couldn't really see anything going on, and I was also really cold. They took me to the Stanford Hospital, took x-rays of my jaw and right hand, and kept me a couple hours until the x-rays checked out (no fractures, thankfully, just a lot of bruising and swelling). Felix came after dealing with the police report, and then Kari and Justin rushed over as soon as they'd heard from Felix about what happened. (Evidently Felix left Justin an IM message that said something like, "just letting you know, tina got ran over by a car today while we were biking back from class." Good way to break the news, huh? :P) I sent Felix away so he could get to work on the 120A problem set (which I've been granted an extension for, thank goodness), and Kari and Justin stayed with me until I got discharged. Then we got food (eating was an adventure for my jaw), and once I got back to Mirrielees my family came to see me and worry about me in person for a little while. They just left.

Thank you, Kari and Justin and Felix. It helped to have you around. :)

Anyway, I'm doing okay -- all I have is a sore jaw and scrapes and bruises, and it definitely could have been a lot worse. God took care of me. :) I will still be singing this Saturday and I will still be giving the testimony. No messing with God's plans. :)

Last night was an exceedingly late night, but it was worthwhile. Over the course of the evening it became increasingly clear to me, to my great dismay (or, at least, goodly fear), that I will be the one giving a testimony at our show at Mountain View Chinese Christian Church this Saturday. This is scary for three reasons (haha, I sound like Eric):: 1) I'm bad at writing (particularly when it involves expressing my feelings in a structured fashion), 2) I'm bad at speaking (especially in front of people I don't know), and 3) what I would talk about is still very much a work-in-progress in me (though I guess if you think about it God's work is always just in progress). I stayed up late last night to talk through some of my ideas with Eric (an activity highly reminiscent of freshman year), which is good because Eric knows me the best out of anyone at Stanford, and talking out stuff in my head with him is the least scary of all. I didn't get anywhere in the act of writing, though, so the whole thing still mostly terrifies me. I'd really appreciate prayer for the process I'll be going through -- I know the preparation will be as (importantly) challenging as the actual delivery. I won't be able to work freely on it until my problem sets for the week are finished, and we all know how I am with timed writing. Anyway, my morning was mostly spent sleeping (how convenient that I had no class), and the weather is beautiful today. Encouraging, though I know it's not just for me. :)

"Do you fly through water?" - Graham
"Air is a fluid." - Tina
"... Oh dear. ... My brain did not want to hear that." - Graham, sounding thoroughly alarmed

Hahahahaha. Oh my. That woke me up from being sleepy. ;)

I like how the sun stays out later now. Dusk is my favorite time of the day. :)

One thing I've been grateful for this quarter is how my Monday and Tuesday nights have been free of weekly commitments. Having rehearsals at the end of the week and over the weekends really helps my problem set schedule.

In addition, I don't have Bio lecture tomorrow morning because our professor canceled class in support of the national student strike against war on Iraq. I think I would've gone to class anyway, merely because I don't know enough about politics or world events to have an informed opinion. But I guess I don't have to make a decision for the morning, anyway. My dance classes are still happening, but Richard won't be taking attendance. I'm not sure about the Fluid Mechanics problem session, but if it's still on I'll be there too.

The take-home retake of the 110 midterm was pretty ugly. As a result, I was very sleepy today. I'm glad tonight is low-key. Hopefully I can use it to chip away at my to-do list and get a lot of reading done. I like having large blocks of time to be productive. It's a nice break from going to class to rehearsal to meeting to study session (and you get the picture).

Hm. It seems that I have a date Friday night. ;)

Happy Birthday, Erin dear!!
Take care of yourself all the way over there in Italy! We'll have to make up for your birthday dance when you get back. I miss you! *BIG MOOSHY BIRTHDAY HUG*

And everything still holds. Oh well. I guess I figured that most people value having truth in what they say, but people can be wrong if they insist on it.

In other news, I'm trying to finalize plans for Spring Break. There's a good chance that I'll be going to Europe a week early (before my Madrid program begins) to meet up with Theo (Berlin) and/or Ssonia (Oxford) and/or Erin (Florence) for some traveling. We'll see what works out. :)

Well, I tried. I don't even know what caused her to start all this, but if my attempt to deal with conflict in a mature manner (a direct letter including: 1) an apology and 2) an inquiry as to what the problem is, instead of perpetuating the blog war) is going to be met with hostility and an unwillingness to make amends, then there's nothing I can do. I won't let unmerited personal attacks get to me (coming from someone with whom the only contact I've had in the past two years is to invite her to dance stuff). So, with that, I'll just have to walk away knowing that I tried my best to do the right thing.

By the way, people tell me that it's nice that I can write with correct grammar, spelling, and word usage.

This is getting ridiculous. We're more mature than this.

Four straight hours of the Thermo pset last night...whew. I wasn't quite done, but I couldn't take any more of it because I don't think I got up from my chair once during those four hours. Quote highlights::

- "Now your hair is pointing the r-direction instead of the z-direction." - Tina, to Karl
    "Oh, my gosh. Your talking privileges are about to be revoked!" - Phil
- "MCPH of crap is 4.2936." - Felix

FAQ:: Why aren't you doing a Stanford quarter abroad?

A:: Participating in one of the Stanford abroad programs would require me to take classes just as if I were here on campus, except that none of the international campuses offer anything that I need for my major so I'd have to fill my minimum unit requirement with useless classes. That would defeat the point of me taking a quarter off -- which is to *not* take the classes that are burning me out. I did, however, find a way to go abroad that allows me to avoid true academia (the sense in which I'm sick of it, anyway): a low-key language immersion program in Madrid, Spain. For one thing, Stanford doesn't offer any locations in Spain. Secondly, taking language classes is something fun that I wish I had the time to do here but definitely can't fit into my crazy ChemE schedule (I haven't really used my Spanish since I took AP in high school...sad). Thirdly, I'm only going for 5 weeks, instead of being commited for whole quarter -- which means I'll be back in the U.S. for the important Tmony and dance events in mid- to late-May, and I'll have almost a good two months to relax and do nothing before starting whatever I decide to do with my summer.

On an unrelated note, do you ever wonder why people who don't bother to keep in touch with you like to pretend they know you? The concept just really baffles me.

We are the music makers,
And we are the dreamers of dreams...

"Arthur O'Shaughnessy is remembered by this one representative period poem, which combines an impulsive, heroic optimism with nostalgia, melancholy and regret. The aspiration comes from a dream fantasy. This was an immediate attraction for Elgar, a large part of whose genius lay in the exploration and symbolism of dreams.

The mystical aspect of the choral opening, prefaced by a restless orchestral prelude in which the 'Enigma' theme is prominently displayed, is underwritten by a modal quality. In a work rich in harmonic allusion Elgar touches another pole at the words 'And o'erthrew them', where a whole-tone scale appears. Verbal concepts are realized most impressively, however, through the conjoined timbres of voices and orchestra; these recall the composer's early ambition to merge choral and instrumental statements and forms.

The Music Makers reflects on the general theme of 'inspiration'. Elgar makes this highly personal, and at the centre of the work quotes the music of 'Nimrod', in proud and moving tribute to August Jaeger, his close friend, adviser and supporter across the difficult but fertile years; Jaeger had died in 1909 [3 years before the completion of this work]."

Isn't it wonderful when you rediscover something you fell in love with and find other things about it to fall in love with all the more? I hadn't realized this piece's lyrical beauty before. The orchestration is so musical alongside the words. And listening to it from the outside, as opposed to playing one of the parts, makes it in some ways even more powerful, especially now that I've had some directing experience (it's a whole different perspective).

If there's the possibility I can convince you to listen to The Music Makers, please let me do so. There are few musical works of which I am nearly as fond.

...You shall teach us your song's new numbers,
And things that we dreamed not before:
Yea, in spite of a dreamer who slumbers,
And a singer who sings no more.

I went to the SSO/Symphonic Chorus Concert tonight. It's the first SSO concert I've been to where I wasn't performing, so that was a little weird... but it helped that I barely know anyone in the orchestra anymore. They sounded good, though it was an atypical concert, what with having the chorus stuff and being heavy on piano solos. The program included the Beethoven Piano Concerto No. 4, Stravinsky's Symphony of Psalms, and Beethoven's Choral Fantasia. The Stravinsky was very interesting in that the orchestration didn't include any violins, violas, or clarinets. The Choral Fantasia was also noted as one of Beethoven's more unconventional works, but I thought it was very cool once the vocal octet (and the rest of the chorus) entered towards the end of the piece. I'm glad I went; I miss having classical music as such a big part of my life. My life as a musician has shifted considerably over the past three years. I definitely miss orchestra. If I don't do Opening next year, I think I might like to go back to the SSO (but I'd have to think about it a lot, since orchestras are like families and it's not quite the same going back to the same group composed of completely different people).

I said hi to the few friends I have remaining in the SSO: Nick (Principle 2nd this year), Evan, and Kim Kwon (a Castro Valley native, though she didn't attend CVHS after going to middle school with us). I also saw Scott, who's stage-managing for the orchestra again this quarter. He gave me my birthday present! -- a recording of Elgar's "The Music Makers"!!! AHHH! I can't believe he found it! I told him over tour last summer that I'd been looking for it for forever, ever since the SSO performed it with the University Singers during Winter Quarter of freshman year, because I absolutely fell in love with it. I'd looked for it everywhere and couldn't find it, so while we were in Oxford I'd settled for getting Elgar's Enigma Variations (one of the movements builds off of a similar motif). He actually remembered, though, and got it for me for my birthday! How sweet is that?? Thank you so much, Scott!

(Core communicates through away messages...how cute.)

Auto response from TPiglette (2:15:58 PM): lots of reading.
Auto response from Nabterayl (3:05:27 PM): Lots of reading too
Auto response from Bryguy683 (3:05:42 PM): I don't have lots of reading, but I do have lots of work.

C'mon Kari, get with the program. ;)

How is it March already? My goodness. I can't believe finals are in two weeks. And then I'm moving out. (I hate moving. I wish I could just teleport all my stuff from place to place.) Time is going so fast.

There are ways in which I'm sad to be leaving: it'll be hard to leave Tmony behind, after such a great (albeit difficult in unexpected ways) year; I'm bummed that I'll be missing Full Moon on the Quad (Opening-style, thankyouverymuch); and this will be the beginning of a major track split between me and the rest of my ChemE family (if not a complete derailment, the issue of which is still too up-in-the-air for me to say anything about).

Mostly, though, I'm surprised at how much the thought of being away isn't difficult. I'll miss all of my friends, sure -- I love them dearly and I'm so used to being able to talk and spend time with them every day. But I have this sense that I've been needing me-time for a long time: time that I can spend away from everything that vies for my attention, and really still my heart for God. I don't doubt that my year at Stanford so far has been part of God's plan to grow me, but as much as I try to devote quiet time to him while I'm at school, I don't think I ever truly achieve it. The Stanford life (okay, especially my Stanford life) is too busy, fast-paced, and unrelenting. I know that God has great things in store for my quarter off. I know that it will be a challenging time of growth and brokenness, too.

In the meantime, I need to get through these next three weeks. Ends of quarters are crazy enough, but this is also the end of the year for me (and it's already the time of year when I need to figure out what I'm doing with my summer (or my life, but that's a different story)). I need to buckle down and focus on being super productive with my time. Pray for me? :) I'd really appreciate it.