* tiny but powerful *

Testimony makes me happyyyyy :D

My petticoat arrived at home and my dad brought it for me and I tried it on and it's the PERFECT length! Score!!

I think I got too worked up last night to sleep well. Oh well. I'm up and might as well get stuff done.

End of the month already? Well, I'm certainly glad it's the end of the week, at least. My Friday is, once again, pretty low-key. I only have Bio lecture today because the dance classes have been cancelled for some sort of tap dance workshop going on, and 120A doesn't have a problem session since we have our take-home midterm. I do, however, have Testimony rehearsal from 4:00-6:00, but that's a good thing. And my dad's coming to Stanford for an eye appointment, so I get to have lunch with him!

I'm bummed that I'll be missing Chinese New Year festivities with my family this year. It just so happened that the only day I can really go home (Saturday) is New Year's Day, which is not the day that most stuff happens. By the Chinese custom, we traditionally have our big family gatherings on New Year's Eve and the 2nd day of the new year. I definitely can't be home on Sunday, what with church and Testimony rehearsal and the Flicks thing spanning the entire day. I guess technically I could go home tonight, but by the time I'm done with rehearsal the Friday rush hour traffic will be horrid, and I'd need to drive back immediately after only a few hours since I have Opening rehearsal bright and early tomorrow morning. And I'd need to drive back *again* tomorrow anyway so my mom can hem my dress (I wouldn't want her to work on it on New Year's Eve). So I figure it's best if I save myself the driving time/stress today, get work done, and help out at Bon Bon Ball tonight instead.

I am thoroughly, thoroughly pissed off.
I never thought it'd get to this point, but maybe I made the wrong decision about Opening this year.
Who knew something dance-related could make me cry.

The bio midterm? I didn't bomb it, but it didn't go particularly well either. It seems like no matter how hard I try, that's how it always is. The story of my life in college, I guess.

I hate formalities. Especially when dealing with people who don't believe me that I actually have serious trouble with classes and don't ace everything like most people at this school.

I think my back dislikes the library. Or something. :( It's hurting again worse than usual. But here I am back at Green anyway. Luckily today's 120A was pretty short; the TA showed us this really inane video on low Reynold's number flow. Okay, it was mostly informative, but the guy speaking in it was like a hundred years old and said stuff like "R equals naught dot naught five" (R=0.05). Karl put it succinctly: "Who talks like that??" Now at least I'm back at the library where I don't feel like I'm interrupting something by moving around to stretch. There's so much to memorize in Bio...

Plan for today: Eat, and lock myself in the library (coming out only for 120A, because attendance counts for 20 pts. on the take-home midterm). I shall reemerge tonight around 9pm.

Jeremy brought me (and Kari) brownies tonight! And Graham brought me cookies on Monday! I don't know what's influencing my baked-goods karma, but I'm not complaining. :)

Rehearsal didn't go so well tonight. But I managed to stay relatively chipper, because Jeremy was doing a good job making me laugh a lot, and we had fun scarves to play with (mine is a pretty green). Maybe also I was appeased by the fact that we're finally close to the end of the waltz choreography, and spurred on by the memory of actually having had a good rehearsal recently. So I'm feeling okay. :)

I'm abandoning my altos tonight, unfortunately; they're holding sectional without me. I'm opting out so I can study for tomorrow's midterm, but I know they're in good hands with Chi-En. I guess I'm a quasi-soprano for the time being, anyway, to fill in for some missing sopranos (currently abroad).

Boo to TSF starting today. :P

I am feeling better than I was last night, so improvements are good. :) We started Development in Bio today, which is by far my least favorite topic in 42. At least they've shortened the unit significantly this year. I still have so much cell bio to study for tomorrow's midterm...sigh. And the 120A take-home is not looking fun. Boo.

I have a lot of good things I want to write about here, but I think it'll all have to wait until the weekend sometime. I'll be going home on Saturday for Chinese New Year, and also so my mom can hem my Opening dress in time for our pre-performance at Pavilion (which has been switched back to Feb. 7, once again precluding Junior Formal from my plans). We're also doing some sort of teaser performance for the 10:00 FLiCKS showing this Sunday. And Bon Bon Ball is Friday night. You can tell Viennese Ball is nearing because all my dance commitments are ramping up. A significant part of me still wants to think that Viennese is far away -- partly because I think Opening needs more time, and partly because of all the drama that happened with Viennese last year that isn't a fun memory. I guess it's coming on full speed regardless, though.

Lately I've been having various conversations with friends that have given me a lot to think about:: philosophies about leadership, significance of Testimony, past boys, and my friendships with girls. The first two are things I need to spend a lot of time praying through before I leave at the end of the quarter.

On the other hand, the recent happy things of note include:: "The Sacred Romance" (a book we're reading together in small group), awesome swing dancing at the Doghouse, and more details about Chi-En's birthday surprise. So don't worry, things are good too. :)

[PS: Wow, my counter seems to have hit the 10,000 mark. Whee!]

Just woke up from taking a restless nap for a few hours. People here are being really animated, which isn't quite meshing with me feeling rather zoned and blah. I've been sniffling the past few days, so I really hope I'm not getting sick. :( We just got our 120A take-home midterm today (due in a week), and the first Bio midterm is on Thursday. All this would seem less daunting if my general midsection would just feel better. It'll be better tomorrow, at least -- the second day always is.

Tummy = knots = ow. :-( Which means my back isn't happy either (I hate that correlation). Today is an Advil day, but I can't find mine. Not good...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHI-EN!!

We had a great time surprising her 12 hours ago. ;) Her drawgroup and I planned for lots-of-people-and-a-cake at her door last night at midnight, and then Eric helped me set up her birthday dance in the Trancos lounge. Tee hee -- I love surprising people -- it's so much fun!

That's all I can spare the time to write about right now. The 120A problem set is giving me trouble and it's due this afternoon. Me very busy.

Here are Brian's pictures from the Opening party last night. I like this one of me and Kari. And this one is particularly amusing. Also amusing: Jeremy with his two partners (who are, curiously enough, me and Kari).

Brace yourselves, my friends. I think I might actually say this morning's Opening rehearsal was good!
And the weather is beautiful, and I'm not feeling tired (yet) because for once Opening rehearsal actually energized me, and we have a Core meeting tonight over dinner, and I plan to study and be productive this afternoon. Life is good. :)

I definitely stayed up far too late last night, hanging out with the remnants of the Opening party... which consisted of me, Kari, Jeremy, and Brian. I think the four of us stayed after the party longer than the party actually lasted. It's been awhile since I did the stay-up-late-in-a-dorm and-have-random-conversations-about-everything sort of thing. There was much fun and laughter (and delirium). And now I'm up far too early for when I went to bed, but oh well... off to see the same people again, for Opening rehearsal. I like my dance friends. :)

Here are the pictures from the Rinc mini-reunion.

Yay for low-key Fridays. I only had 3 classes today, and 2 of them were dance. :) It's great being back in Richard Powers's dance classes after my one-quarter hiatus. Both classes have been really fun. In Living Traditions of Swing, we haven't gotten to anything I don't already know (either from previous classes or from picking things up at the Doghouse over the summer), but it's fun anyway. And I get to learn the lead when I happen to be dancing with a guy friend of mine (like Eric, Jeff Lee, or Brian Lee when he crashes the class) who knows how to follow. Leading in Social Dance I has been fun, too. Now I'm actually learning the girls' names, instead of only the guys'! It's quite flattering when the girls I dance with say I'm one of the best leads in the class. I guess that makes sense if you think about me already having dance experience, but leading is quite different and I didn't expect to pick up on it so quickly. It's also nice to have Katie Cueva taking SD1 as a lead too, because before/after class we dance with each other to figure stuff out -- it makes a huge difference to lead someone who's an experienced follow. All in all, I'm really glad that I'm feeding my dance knowledge again, even though it only came about because I couldn't take Conversational Mandarin this quarter. And we all know that I can definitely use *enjoyable* dance experiences right now. (Okay, sorry, enough complaining about Opening.)

My other classes are going decently, I guess. It's been hard to feel on top of things after that first week, but I'm hanging in there. Fluid Mechanics (ChemE120A) has been really intense -- those extra 3 hours of lecture on the first two Tuesdays really got us off to a jump start. We covered 8 lectures (1.5 hours each) in the first two weeks, and the pace is slowing only slightly. At least it's definitely the most interesting out of all my classes right now. We're learning how to calculate velocity profiles for fluid flow, which includes all sorts of things from just water in a pipe, to the air wake behind an airplane, to why there are oscillating vortices when wind flows past a structure. We haven't gotten to anything complicated like the latter two yet, but the driving concept behind studying fluid flow is pretty cool. I'm kind of sad when I realize I'm still not as excited about the material as my other ChemE friends, but I just remind myself that I already know why -- I'm burned out and have been for a long time, and that's why it's good I'm taking Spring Quarter off. Remind, remind, Self. (What an Eric statement.) Equilibrium Thermodynamics (ChemE110) has been really DRY and boring and painfully early in the morning, though luckily not very much work, and yet I still don't feel very good about the class. That one is definitely my least favorite class of the quarter. My other two classes, Bio42 and HumSex, provide a good break from equation-crunching and problem-setting, which is a mixed blessing since they both involve more reading and the grades are determined entirely by the midterms and final exams. Biology has been low-key so far too, since I'm retaking it, but we have a midterm next week so I'm going to buckle down and study for it a lot. I'm behind on the HumSex reading, but I have time before the midterm. If it ends up that I have to drop HumSex, so be it, because it's definitely my lowest priority class at this point. My Tuesdays and Thursdays are much more lecture-filled than MWF, but at least it means that I get to ease in and out of each week.

So that's school for me right now. :)

I'm starting this blog entry while I'm in Sundeep's room in Rinconada, just so I can get the timestamp to say it's still Thursday. I know I won't finish it till I get back to my room, though. Anyway, I'm here visiting Rinc because Tress, our 1st floor RA two years ago, is in town visiting for the weekend, and she's staying with Erin on the 2nd floor. Sundeep and Erin, who are Rinc RA's this year, were my dormmates two years ago; so including Chris, who's the RCC, 50% of this year's staff are Rinc alums from my year. They're awesome. :) Bryan is here too, but since we came after Testimony rehearsal ended, we missed seeing anyone else who may have stopped by to see Tress. Sad, but it's fun anyway to be here with this small slice of Rinc 2000-2001.

Current Music:: Mandy Moore - "Only Hope"
Okay, so now I'm back in my room. I have some funny pictures from our Rinc mini-pseudo-reunion, so I'll post a link once I upload them to pbase.

Speaking of mini-pseudo-reunions, it was great to see 2/3 of our hangout group from the SSO Tour at Jammix last Friday! Karl, Scott, and Quentin (who's back from Oxford, yay!) all came, and it was sad that Michelle and Liz weren't there because they're actually dancers too! That's so funny -- I just realized that all 6 of us, who became friends through orchestra, are social dancers too! Granted I had/have something to do with getting Scott into dance, but I think it's an interesting pattern that most of my closest social dance friends are musicians. Yay for music, seriously. :) The six of us are trying to get together for dinner sometime this quarter to *finally* share all our tour photos and hang out again as a group for the first time since we said goodbye to each other in the SFO airport (or by the Tresidder bollards) on June 31, 2002.

I'm having a bit of trouble finding all the white accessories I need for Viennese Ball. Fortunately I found my dress way early (a couple months ago) but I'm still in need of everything else: ballet slippers, tights, gloves, and petticoat. Last night I submitted a special order through the Nomadic Shoe Store for my size in the white ballet slippers, as well as the tights, so hopefully those will come in and fit correctly. Gloves and the petticoat, though... hrmm.

Opening rehearsal last night was more bearable than most. I think maybe I just had more fun making fun of things (e.g. Qi) with the people around me... namely, Kari, Jeremy, and also whoever Andrea's partner happened to be. (Due to partner switches, we dance with different people, but Andrea was next to me in the circle for most of the portion we learned last night. And Kari was two people down in the other direction.) There were definitely the usual frustrations with the choreography and rehearsal in general, but overall it was less wholly depressing. At one point I think Brian even said something that made me laugh so hard I fell over.

I liked what Brian wrote on his "Thoughts" page about last night's rehearsal::

"All things considered, Opening rehearsal went fairly well last night. We learned an elegant, flashy pattern that fulfills several of the golden rules of choreography: it looks complex and technically difficult, yet it's simple, straightforward to memorize and execute, and fun. Much of the rest of the choreographies can only lay claim to some of these traits.

"The best thing about the pattern is that it's a truly memorable sequence. When people think of a performance they've watched or heard, more often than not, they think of moments: those instances that are vivid and stand out in the mind. I'm glad that there will be at least one stretch where we can relax and do something crowd-pleasing at the same time."

I just had my CAPS appointment today. I'd nearly forgotten about it (until I looked at my calendar last night, of course), which is good because I probably would've made myself nervous about it. It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. And it's definitely good that I went. I'll be going back next week. Please keep me in your prayers?

"He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9

1) I have food now! Yay!
2) Dancer's Loft does not carry white ballet slippers. Boo.
3) Other errands have been postponed.

Hm. Soup will need to wait. Nearly forgot about a couple other things I need to take care of! These ones involve driving.

It's a good thing I don't have any weekly commitments tonight, because I'm pretty exhausted. I've been out since 8:20am this morning -- for my 8:35-9:50am lecture, then working on the 120A set with Karl in the library straight through until my 12:45-2:05pm lecture, then still finishing the problem set until 120A lecture started at 2:40pm (I couldn't get the last part of one of them...the double integral was pretty ugly), and then I ran some errands in central campus after 4:10. This means, unfortunately, that I haven't eaten anything all day except for a granola bar. I think I'm going to go make some soup. It's cold outside!

Well, it's been quite the atypical Monday. Since today was a holiday with no classes, we didn't have Tmony rehearsal last night, and I actually went to bed before 10pm. And I didn't get up until past 10am, which means that I actually got 12 hours of sleep -- quite remarkable. The day was full of ChemE problem-setting, laundry-doing, homework-reading, and Tmony-rehearsing. The 120A problem set has been quite grueling, but I'm feeling way closer to my work ethic last quarter than how I felt last Tuesday. I think last Tuesday was by far the lowest point of my week. I don't know what caused it, but I was fighting the same despair, unsettlement, and inability to concentrate as I did last year. I was terrified of what this winter quarter would bring, because winter quarters don't have very good track records with me (freshman year being when I caught mono, and sophomore year being when I hit the worst academic term of my entire life). I felt like I was being attacked on all sides of my life, and the all-too familiar feeling of drowning hit me again, early last week. BUT...the good news is that the week slowly got better, and with a lot of prayer and the support of my wonderful friends, I think I'm back up on my feet again. Definitely still not feeling as a strong as I did last quarter, but that's to be expected, I guess, what with everything going on right now.

And guess what... this is really quite amazing... on my desk calendar sitting in front of me, guess what it says for January 21? ...? NOTHING! It's completely blank! This is incredible!

I think I give in; early to bed for me. I'm exhausted, and it's hard to get work done here right now.

Recent pictures::
- Jammix (Friday)
- Kids Community (today)
(I've also uploaded some old pictures to existing folders.)

Dinner with Gavan; lunch with Scott = much fun.
20 kids in the K-1 class today = much excitement. (+ pictures!)
Communication = good.
Prayer = essential.

I'm feeling better.

I love Core. I really do. :)

Jeremy, to my and Kari's great amusement, brought a book to Opening rehearsal today:: Eeyore's (gloomy) Little Instruction Book.

Two quotes which provided much-needed comic relief during an otherwise depressing rehearsal:
- "There are those who will wish you a good morning. If it is a good morning, which is doubtful."
- "It's bad enough being miserable, but it is even worse when everyone else claims to be miserable, too."

It was funny. Largely because Jeremy would go retrieve this book during rehearsal (during particularly frustrating moments) and read one or two quotes to us.

A tribute to a dear friend, inspired by the two-step we shared tonight::

"Say good-bye to not knowing when
The truth in my whole life began
Say good-bye to not knowing how to cry
You taught me that

And I'll remember the strength that you gave me
Now that I'm standing on my own
I'll remember the way that you saved me
I'll remember."
- Madonna, "I'll Remember"

Thank you, Eric.

Oh, the weekend. So much to face.

Friday, finally. Jammix tonight. Should be fun.

Bible study and Testimony rehearsal was a good combination for my night, indeed. Bible study is now my only link to Crusade (which sucks, seeing as I have to miss Crusade for Opening, of all things), and tonight was our first study of the quarter. It was a very nice time, with hot drinks, muffins, and each of us sharing where we're at for the new quarter. Truthfully, I wouldn't consider the girls in my Bible study my closest friends; I rarely spend time with them outside of fellowship (which I hope to rectify). One remarkable thing, though, is that I really feel safe with them...especially under Christine's leadership. In some ways it might be the safest I feel with any group of people outside of Testimony.

Speaking of Testimony, rehearsal went well tonight. We're making good progress on 4 new songs, and we've only had 3 rehearsals so far. Liton came to visit during the last part of it; he's up from LA for a snow trip and visiting Stanford people while he's in the area.

Boy, am I ready for the weekend.

Regarding last night's Opening rehearsal, Kari pretty much said it all. At least I had sectional with my altos right afterward to cheer me up.

And alright, I'll do it today...Emmy is making me call CAPS. I know it's for the best, but it's still scary. I'm fine; I guess it's more of a preventative measure, and also to get some pointers on how to start researching.

I found an old roll of film from a long time ago that I'd never gotten developed. So I dropped it off at the Bookstore last week, not entirely sure what the roll was from. Now, I have lots of pictures from the end of the summer:: my farewell lunch & last day at Applied Biosystems, the movie outing with the summer dance crew, the last MND of the summer, my last visit at the VA Dance, and one picture of move-in day at Mirrielees (to finish the roll). Looking at these pictures really make me miss the stress-free-ness of the summer...and especially my dearest roomie Erin!! Silly girl, still gallivanting across Europe and spending winter quarter in Florence. I miss you and love you, Erin!

During tonight's marathon lecture, right about when I felt like I was ready to melt or die or something, I looked at my watch and it was only 8:30. Luckily, Channing for some reason decided that the class was doing well (i.e. everyone except me) and he let us out at 9:05. Thank goodness.

"I'm awake in the infinite cold
...
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans
That You have for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope."

- Switchfoot//Mandy Moore, "Only Hope"

That last entry was meant in the "boo to me" sense. No cause for alarm.

This...is not okay.

You know what? I can really be a girl with Emily. She might be the only one, here at Stanford.

It is so so so nice to have her back, and living so close by. :D

My kids remembered me! (Sometimes you never know, with children.) There were several new kids who are really sweet, but it was mostly wonderful to see all the regular kids again... Charlotte, Courtney, Jeremiah, Marielle, Nathan, Julia, and even Mikey (he's the troublemaker). Charlotte calls me "Miss Tina", and Julia decided that her most exciting activity of the day was crawling back and forth between my legs, like a tunnel. I looove my kids. :D Today we painted watercolors onto rocks that said "Forgive". Most of them decided they wanted to mix all the colors TOGETHER on their stones and thus ended up with big brown messes. It was cute though. I am a big dork, and forgot to bring my camera with me (I forgot it last night, too!!).

I'm really excited about the teaching series we're starting at church for the next couple months. It's called "Exploring the Depths of a God-Shaped Life" and seems to be taking a historical approach by studying important historical figures throughout religious and cultural history. Let me know if you think you'd be interested in coming with me on a particular Sunday. The schedule is as follows::
- January 12 ... Introduction: Your Pastor's Story
- January 19 ... Dr. Martin Luther King Jr: A Christian Pastor and Civil Rights Leader
- January 26 ... King David: A Jewish Leader in Ancient Israel (11th Century B.C.)
- February 2 ... Joseph: A Jewish Ruler in Egypt (18th Century B.C.)
- February 9 ... Madre Teresa De Avila: Reformer of the Catholic Church (16th Century A.D.)
- February 16 ... Mother Teresa of Calcutta: A Catholic Nun (20th Century A.D.)
- February 23 ... Moses: A Bi-cultural Egyptian and Jewish Leader (22nd Century B.C.)
- March 2 ... Paul, a Roman citizen, a Jewish Leader, and a Christian Apostle (1st Century A.D.)
- March 9 ... Jesus, Son of God, Savior (1st Century A.D.)
- March 16 ... Patrick, an Irish Christian (5th Century A.D.)

The kids really tired me out, so I was fighting sleep during the first half of 2nd service, but then God decided to grab my attention. Keith, our head pastor (he took a couple months off from teaching, but I think he's back now, I hope??), showed a really powerful performance on video -- a dramatization from the point of view of a woman who had breast cancer. It was really...really powerful. The whole time, I just wished my parents could've been there to see it.

Worship after that was totally amazing. I was struck so hard with the reminder that no matter how many things in my life seem to go wrong, God refuses to let me go. He's there even when I don't think to ask him to be there. And I know I'm taken care of even when I don't feel like I am. Feelings are unreliable. Now is a good time to remind myself of that.

It's good to be Home.

"...And when the darkness closes in Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun’s shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name."

Dinner was wonderful. The company consisted of Deborah, me, Carol and her sister Lai, and Farshid and his parents. I gave Deborah her copy of the Testimony CD, which she ended up playing in the background the whole night from the adjacent room, and everyone loved it. Conversation was great; it covered things from dance to war to movies to traveling in Europe. I'd forgotten how fun conversation is with these people. It's so different than anything else I participate in, even with my college friends. I've really missed Deborah. She's one of those rare figures in my life (outside of my family) who really saw me grow up.

There is something truly significant about the time I spend alone driving in a car with the radio on. I don't know what it is about it. I have distinct memories of every major period of my life from the perspective of driving in my car (well, since I was old enough to drive, of course). It has a lot to do with the music that comes up, which then serves as a timestamp for my life's soundtrack. I must also do a lot of thinking when I'm driving. And I think I sing differently when I'm alone in the car than in any other place. It's not a volume thing like it is for Eric; yet I don't know what it is precisely. But the thinking...yeah, I do a lot of thinking when I'm driving.

That all said, I really wish today hadn't given me so much driving time.

Tonight I will be having dinner with my old violin teacher and some of her other former students. She invited us over for a dinner party, as a sort of "reunion" for the people whom we did this with back when we were all in high school. It'll be just like old times...except that Matt won't be coming with me, for the first time. It'll be great to see everyone else, though. This dinner was supposed to be scheduled for during winter break, but due to some miscommunication Deborah forgot that I start school earlier than all the Berkeley people. That's okay though -- I'd rather drive back for it than miss seeing them at all.

I'm also looking forward to going back to The River and Kids' Community tomorrow for the first time in over a month. I miss my kids! And it's going to be a full weekend, with lots of reading assignments and already a problem set for ChemE120A (the insane class). I definitely don't feel settled into the quarter yet, but it was nice not to have to go to Opening rehearsal this morning (it was cancelled due to ski trips).

So much on my mind. I'm confused. :(

Quotes are finally updated. Go see!
(Sadly, I didn't record as many quotes from Tmony Tour this year.)

Tuesdays and Thursdays are going to be tiring this quarter. All of my lectures on those days are more than an hour long. I shopped the HumSex class today, and it's much much less stressful not to be rushing from leaving one class early and arriving to another class barely on time, which is what I would've had to do every Tu/Th if I chose to take MedAnthro. So HumSex it will be. I'm hoping to start sleeping more once I find a routine to settle into. These first two weeks are just weird, because of the crazy 7-10pm ChemE lectures and rescheduled Tmony rehearsals (due to ski trips).

Last night, on the way to Opening rehearsal, I was shocked to see...that the lake actually has WATER in it!! You should've seen me: Kari and I were walking up those wooden steps, and as we got to the top, I looked across and I saw something that looked like a reflection of the lights on the other side of the lake...and then I stopped walking, and I stuck my head out in front of me inspecting the scene a little more closely...it seriously took me about 10 seconds to convince myself that there was actually water there. I've never seen the lake with WATER in it! I guess this is partially because I didn't see the lake at all until Sophomore College (yeah, I know, pretty incredible; don't ask). But now there's WATER! WOW!

Testimony rehearsal tonight went really well. I went into it feeling really tired and unsure what shape I'd be in to run rehearsal, but as usual rehearsal ended up cheering me up. Funny how that happens. We worked on two new songs tonight, and they're sounding remarkably good for the first time. I'm amazed at how quickly this group learns new music. It's great. :) The poor sop section had it rough tonight, since there's only two of them left right now (Ssonia and Megan are abroad, and Kristen's busy with a musical until February), but they did really well too -- Nalani with holding her own on the divisi sections, and Kari with teaching Nalani and then taking care of her own part too. And the tenors are real troopers, now without any permanent returning members as well as missing their original section leader (Lawrence won't be singing this quarter). Jeff graciously offered his time to help the tenors with their sectional and stayed during tonight's rehearsal too. Testimony rocks! :)

Finalized class schedule for Winter Quarter 2003::
ChemE 110 (Chemical Engineering Thermodynamics) -- TTh 8:35-9:50am
ChemE 120A (Fluid Mechanics) -- TTh 2:40-4:10pm, MW 4:15-5:05, occasional Fri 4:15-5:05
HumBio 10 (Human Sexuality; fulfills GER 4c) -- TTh 12:45-2:05pm
Biology 42* (Cell Biology, Immunology, & Physiology) -- MWF 11:00am-12:15pm (*retake)
Dance 147 (Living Traditions of Swing) -- MWF 2:15-3:05pm
Dance 46** (Social Dances of North America I) -- MWF 3:15-4:05pm (**taking as a lead)

Comments::
- Yes, I finally found a GER Area 4 class that doesn't conflict with my ChemE classes. I still want to take MedAnthro next year, though, since it fulfills a different Area 4 subarea, and I'm interested in it anyway.
- Unfortunately, the solution to the previous problem prevents me from continuing with Conversational Mandarin, because HumSex is at 12:45, and Mandarin is only offered at 12:15 and 1:15. After all the frustration with working on my schedule, though, I'm okay letting that one go.
- Since I'm not taking Chinese, I'm going to take both dance classes (for as long as I can handle it) instead of just choosing one, which is convenient in any case because they're offered back to back.
- I've finally seemed to reach the point in my college career where my classes actually only give ONE midterm. ONE. IMAGINE THAT.
- ...*except* for Bio. And guess what -- the 2nd midterm is the night before Viennese Ball! Ugh what TERRIBLE timing.

Thanks for everyone's offers to help, but all my errands are the easiest if I just do them myself. I never remember exactly what my groceries are called because I just know what they look like, and I need a specific kind of desk calendar from Office Depot, and by this time in the year I have perfected the art of photocopying Tmony music in record time. In fact, I'm going to try to get stuff done now, before my 3 afternoon classes.

Unrelated thoughts::
- I need food. But I have like zero time to go grocery shopping.
- I need to run errands. Like, photocopying music and buying a desk calendar. I feel very disoriented without a desk calendar.
- I need to finish unpacking and clean up around here. I would feel so much better if things were just in their right place.

Today was a really long day. Even after I voluntarily shortened it. I went to the ChemE110 lecture from 8:35-9:50am, and afterwards I knew that I wouldn't be able to make it through the day if I didn't get some more sleep. So I didn't shop either of the gender classes offered in the morning, and I even skipped the first class of Conversational Mandarin (since I figured I already know the prof and I know how the class is structured), just so I could go back to my room and take a nap through lunchtime. I left again at 1:00pm for 3 afternoon classes, had a quick dinner with Eric at Wilbur, and then sat through 3 more grueling hours of ChemE120A lecture.

Thoughts::
- Three hours of lecture is really long. Especially after you've already had 1.5 hours of lecture for the same class earlier in the day. At least we only have to do this one more time (next Tuesday).
- My 8:35am class on Tu/Th has a quiz at the beginning of class...EVERY class. And he gave us a "pretest" today to see what we remembered from Chem171. How evil is that??!
- I *really* liked the MedAnthro class I shopped today, which makes my decision so much harder. It's about the crosscultural study of health beliefs and healing systems around the world, and how social processes shape human health. I want to take that class so badly, but it runs from 1:15-3:05 and ChemE120A starts at 2:40. This is exceedingly irritating.
- The Dance & Live Arts class was weird. Too weird.
- I like Channing Robertson better the second time around.
- I just checked Coursework for Bio42 section times. I have conflicts with ALL of them. This is a problem.

Many many classes today. I'll be going to ChemE 110 and 120A, as well as shopping several options for my 4th academic class. And there's the crazy 7:00-10:00pm lecture tonight for ChemE120A. I probably won't be back until after 10:00. Wish me luck.

I'm torn. I can't do this and survive school at the same time.

Having Emily back, though, is like being sent an angel. Just having her come into my room tonight and play with my hair was surprisingly just as comforting as it was two years ago.

Please pray for me. Nothing else would help more.

AHHHHHH OH MY GOODNESS I AM SO EXCITED EMILY IS LIVING ACROSS THE HALL FROM ME LIKE *RIGHT* ACROSS THE HALL AND SHE IS HERE NOW AND I'M TOO EXCITED TO USE PUNCTUATION AHHHH!!!!

It is only 10:00am, and I have already::
1) signed up for dance classes
2) paid my university bill
3) picked up a time schedule
4) deposited money at the bank
5) checked my PO Box (and Testimony's)
6) bought my ChemE books
7) returned scores to the Music Library

Today I am having lunch with a very special Chris Wallis. He needs lots of hugs right now. Give him a hug if you see him.

Can I have off the roller coaster, please?

I know. God is still good. Life is just hard.

I have now returned to campus. You may all rejoice. ;)

Other news::
1) I actually got a spot in the Mirrielees parking lot!
2) I bruised my knee. Ow.
3) I have a new keyboard! No more sticky 'n'! Oh yeah!

God is SOOO GOOD~~~

Just got home from spending a few hours at Wendy's house (just a block away!). We baked banana bread (without nuts, thankyouverymuch) and had some long overdue catching-up time. It's sad that we're both so busy during school that we don't keep up much, but it's always great to finally sit down and talk about everything and anything. It's funny that once we're together I feel closer to Wendy than some people who graduated with me. Tonight we had fun discussing and laughing about dorm life, fellowship experiences, working with little kids, and exciting stuff God is doing for/within/around us. It was good chill time.

And I plan on going to church tomorrow, so goodnight.

(When I'm in a good mood, I can stick out my tongue at my confusion and turn the other way.)

Single most painful activity right now = sneezing.
I'm going to look into physical therapy after I get back to school.

In other news, I have 40 measures completed on my new arrangement. That means I'm about 2/3 done, I think!

I got back safely, so don't worry.

I went to FNW tonight because Tammi and JoEllen were supposed to come, but my cousin bailed on me at the last minute, and for some reason Jo never showed up (I thought she was going to call me after her fellowship meeting). Oh well. So I was there anyway. Graham, George, and Jeremy were there too, among most of the usual FNW crowd. I wasn't dancing well; I hadn't danced since the last Opening rehearsal about a month ago. Plus back pain interferes. I also was feeling kinda blah and kinda weird throughout the whole night. I hope I didn't make the boys think that I didn't appreciate our dances. In retrospect perhaps I shouldn't have gone. Too much on my mind, and the night added to it.

As I wait, you make me strong
As I long, you draw me to your arms
As I stand and sing your praise
You come, you come, and you fill this place
Won't you come, won't you come, and fill this place
- "Meet With Me"

If you think you know what this is about, you do. If you're confused, you don't.

It's happening again, after so long. Pray. Please.

Just got back from our traditional New Year's hot-pot dinner at my aunt's house. Here are some pictures. (Digital cameras are fun, indeed.)

Some thoughts in no particular order::
- I'm trying to convince Wendy, Jo, and my cousin Tammi (plus their respective boys, where applicable) to come with me to Friday Night Waltz this Friday. If they can't make it, I probably won't drive all the way to Palo Alto.
- I still need to figure out my 4th academic class for next quarter. It needs to fulfill one of my leftover requirements (either GER Area 4, or TIS, or an Engineering Fundamental) and I refuse to take anything about literature or poetry or politics. (I would die a horrible painful death.) The problem so far mainly lies in the fact that my two ChemE classes have THE ODDEST starting times.
- I don't want to go back to school. :(
- I haven't checked my PO Box at school for all of break. I hope there isn't any time-sensitive mail there.
- When I'm at home, it's hard to remember that I'm a dancer.
- I've been checking out potential language programs in Spain for spring quarter. This could really happen.

{Still working on that Winter Tour blog entry down there -- sorry.}

Happy New Year, everyone!

I sort of slept away the last few hours of 2002 because my back was hurting, but at least I woke up in time for the countdown. This year's New Years celebration didn't seem like very much to me, but it's weird to think that it's now my brother's graduating class year. I remember when that happened for me during my senior year. Of course, the year 2000 was big for other reasons, but it was so odd to think that after all those years with everyone telling us "You're the class of 2000!" it finally was the year 2000. And now it's my brother's turn. He's so old!

Well, welcome 2003.